About Today
by paperplanes1
Summary: AU at Smith college. Alex is a dealer, Piper's a student at Smith. Alex wants Piper but she won't give up the drugs ring. She can't have both, and this is the story of how it unravels. Vauseman all the way.
1. Chapter 1

She'd never liked Hitchcock, but watching movies helps to pass the time on slow days, and a class full of Smithsonian students is one of the best places to recruit new mules.

The lecture room is packed – maybe fifty or so students, with a scattering of spare seats. Alex slides in four rows from the back, next to a couple of girls, deep in conversation.

"You need to move. That's my seat". Alex looks up. A freckled face is looming over her, hip jutting out.

"Wow." Alex adjusts her glasses, and folds her arms "Are you usually this rude?"

"Only when someone steals my seat." Then bends down so that her eyes are level with Alex's and whispers, "Especially when you're not even supposed to be here."

Alex wonders what she knows. She runs through the girls she's approached on campus recently but none fit.

"I don't have all day. There's a seat right behind you." The girl's eyes are now bulging.

Alex glances behind her. A girl, blond hair, cheeks flushed, eyes locked on an open book, looking like she's desperate not to get drawn in. Alex weighs up the option of staying put, and decides against it, not wanting to draw any more attention to herself. She can deal with this idiot later. Besides the one sat behind might be good to recruit.

The blond girl twitches as Alex sits down, her eyes darting sideways. Alex can't resist forcing her to make the conversation she is so obviously avoiding.

"What you reading?"

The girl looks up "Me?"

"Yeah you," Alex smiles.

"Oh it's for my other class," she tips the book revealing the cover. _One Hundred Years of Solitude._

"I liked the levitating priest."

"You've read it?"

"You're surprised?"

"Sorry,… I I didn't mean it that way. I…"

"Had me down as a fifty shades girl? I'm Alex by the way."

"Piper," she slowly pushes her hand forward.

The Professor at the front of the lecture theatre coughs, and begins his convoluted introduction to the film. Alex settles back into her seat. The soles of her feet are jammed against on the back of the chair in front, earning irritated glances from the girl who evicted her. Piper widens her eyes at Alex, but the reproach is betrayed by the small smile tugging at her mouth.

"Oh. I've seen this one!" Piper whispers.

"Yeah? I'm not much of a Hitchcock fan. Although he could teach me a thing or two about sociopaths – y'know obtain some insight into young women with psychological trauma that gets them behaving funny". Alex jerks her foot harder into the back of the chair in front of her, glancing at Piper to see if she's watching. She is which makes Alex's insides gleam.

It's a welcome respite from a slow week. In the eight months since she arrived in Northampton, Alex has adjusted to the uneven pace - manic days stretching across the weeks, dotted with the occasional lulls usually caused by Fahri disappearing abroad or a crash in demand on campus.

* * *

The film ends and they file out of the lecture theatre, squinting as their eyes readjust to the bright sun bouncing off of white concrete.

"So what was your paper on?" Piper waves an essay in her hand.

Alex shrugs "Film stuff. You want to go for a smoke?"

Piper slows her pace, hand shielding her eyes from the sun, face scrunched up.

"I don't know. I probably shouldn't – I've got stacks of work for my other classes."

She snatches the essay from Piper's hand, and considers the 78% circled in red scrawled at the top of it. "Seriously? I don't think one joint is going to bring your average crashing."

Piper just stares at her, and lets out a sigh, "Give it back."

"Have you always been such a nerd?" Alex laughs.

Piper shifts slightly on her feet, cheeks reddening and Alex feels a twinge of guilt at the defeated look on Piper's face. "Listen come for a smoke. I wanna tell you more about my unhealthy obsession with trashy novels."

Piper smiles "Ok but not here," nodding to the lecture building that they're stood outside.

"Obviously." Alex rolls her eyes.

They walk in silence across campus towards a spot with a handful of trees, shielded from the main university buildings.

Alex flings her jacket onto the grass, collapsing on top of it, resting on her hands. Piper is hovering awkwardly.

"You gonna sit down or you need an invitation?" Alex smirks, plucks a joint out of her coat pocket, and lights it.

Piper lowers herself onto the grass, carefully placing her bag down next to her.

"So you know that horse's ass who made me switch seats?" holding out the joint for Piper, who hesitates and then takes a tug on it, eyes watering.

Piper laughs "Jessica Wedge? Not really. She's in the same dorm building." Piper takes another drag. "She's kind of like that with everyone."

"And you put up with her shit?"

"I stay out of her way." Piper smiles "I like to avoid trouble."

"I can believe that." Alex laughs. "But sometimes trouble is fun." Alex is relishing the fact that she's getting Piper, who seems pretty straight-laced, stoned in the middle of the day. It almost makes up for the dismal run on the recruiting front in the last two weeks. This shows she still has it, just when she was beginning to doubt her powers of persuasion.

"Hey Pipes." A dark-haired woman is approaching them. Piper hoists herself up from the grass, swaying slightly as the blood rushes to her head, tugging her sweater straight. Her cheeks are red and her eyes are glassy. She looks like she's been caught doing something she shouldn't have, which makes Alex laugh.

"Polly, what you doing here?"

Polly stands there, glancing at Alex who is holding the remnants of a joint between her thumb and forefinger, and looks back again at Piper, noting her disheveled hair and the blades of grass dangling off her sweater. "Fuck, are you getting _high_? _During the day?"_

"No!... Of course not."

Alex looks at Piper with a bemused expression.

"Good. Pete already revealed his feminine side to me today so I really don't need to find out that my straightest friend is leading a double life as a stoner."

"Jeez thanks Pol."

Polly looks over at Alex. "You're welcome. Are you gonna introduce me?"

"This is Alex. We're in film class together."

Alex pushes herself to standing, flicking the stub and watching it somersault into the grass, smiling, turning to Piper.

"Listen what you doing tonight? You want to come to a party? At my friend's place. You too Holly."

"It's Polly actually. And whilst I'd love to, I've got other plans," she flicks a brief smile towards Alex.

"Piper?"

"Yeah sure. Sounds great actually." Polly glares at Piper.

Alex grabs Piper's wrist, whips the pen out of the side of her shoulder bag, and scrawls a number up the inside of her forearm. "Call me around 7, and I'll pick you up." Piper prises her eyes away from her arm, and watches as Alex then turns and strides away.

Polly's mouth is agape. "Jesus she's arrogant. And I thought you were discerning."

* * *

Piper's lay flat on her back on her bed, the gentle hum of the weed flooding her body, it feels like her limbs have melted into the mattress, and she's not entirely sure she'll ever get up again.

Polly is patting along the bookshelf, feeling behind the row of books, and removing the odd two or three from the shelf "I swear to god he put them here last time…..ah at last." She whips out a cigarette from the packet and tips out the lighter, sits on the window sill with the window slightly ajar, blowing smoke rings through the narrow gap.

"God I can't wait to get out of this place. With its plastic mattresses and sandpaper sheets. Do you think this is what a long-term hospital stay is like?"

"Isn't it weird that you and Pete hide cigarettes from each other?"

"I thought mystery was the key to long lasting relationships."

Piper's arm is pointed straight up in the air as her finger tips stroke up and down the skin, "Have you ever thought about getting a tattoo? I think I could take the pain".

"I dunno – I'd be worried I'd be one of those people that spelt the thing wrong, or had love tattooed in Sanskrit to be exotic and then found out it really spelt dog shit."

Piper laughs and scrunches her nose, "I don't think I could get past the dirty needles."

Polly rolls her eyes, "Of course you wouldn't. This hasn't got anything to do with earlier has it?"

Piper looks at her arm, with a slight smile tugging at her lips, "Noooo".

Polly looks skeptical, and stubs her cigarette out on the sill and moves to the mirror nailed to the cupboard door and immediately begins tucking stray hairs back into her hair clip.

"I can't wait until next year when I can smoke inside as if I'm an actual adult." She pokes at a particularly red spot on her cheek, " Although this latest facial outbreak suggests my body is clinging to adolescence. Maybe my hormones will get the message if I move." She stands back from the mirror, considering the reflection. "We need to start hunting for somewhere or all the good places will be gone. I saw this new complex downtown that looks like a possibility….. Piper?"

"Hmmm." Piper is having trouble focusing as she replays snippets of the afternoon in her head. There's warm buzz of excitement inside her. Everything else about college has been so utterly predictable – which secretly Piper is semi-relieved about. She hates the unexpected, but Alex's appearance this afternoon has reawakened the hope that college might strip away the high school version of herself.

Polly turns around "Are you listening to anything I'm saying? This is the last time I'm ever letting you smoke weed before dinner time….. PIPER!"

Piper jerks her head upwards, frowning, "Loud!" She swings her legs off the bed, straightening her top, "For the record my dad already sent me a bunch of places through his real estate contacts."

"So spoilt." Polly smiles, shaking her head in mock disgust.

Piper shrugs, her stoned state chasing away the usual embarrassment she feels at her Dad's indulgence, "Yeah but you love me for it."

* * *

It's nearly eight. Fuck. Alex knew shouldn't have squeezed in the last drop, but she's so desperate to show Fahri that she's on top of everything.

She's been working for him for nearly twelve months, and he likes her. He thinks she's got what it takes. She's all over this shit - she's pulling in more mules than anyone else, while the on-campus operation, which she's running with another guy, Aydan, is expanding rapidly. It's only weed and amphetamines but still it's turning over a reasonable profit. Fahri says it's good training in the logistics of shifting stuff internationally. _When not if_ , and that prospect galvanises her.

She turns the corner and there's Piper waiting on the sidewalk, red lipstick and skinny jeans, and the desire to impress quickly tramples her relief.

She leans across from the driver's seat and clicks the door lock "Sorry I'm late. The traffic was a complete cluster fuck."

Piper smiles, "Didn't you only have to drive across campus?"

"I live in town. The whole dorm college experience isn't really for me."

"Hadn't pegged you as a trust fund kid with a fancy apartment," snorts Piper placing her bag on the floor in front of her and fastening her seat belt.

"Didn't have you down for ditching study time for getting high _during study hours_." Alex glances across at her smiling. Piper's face is glowing at her newfound rebel status.

The party is being hosted by one of Fahri's main clients, and as Fahri is otherwise disposed, he's asked Alex to go. They walk up a long pebble driveway, stones crunching under their feet. Shiny new cars line up to the left of a huge steel-clad house, wall to wall glass is wrapped around its middle, throwing yellow light onto the landscaped garden.

They enter through the front doors to the sound of laughing and clinking glass. It's mainly a young crowd. The heavy thump of the bass reverberates through the wooden floorboards.

Alex swipes two flutes of champagne from a silver tray, handing one to Piper, and motioning for her to follow. They exit through a pair of glass doors at the rear. The steady bass is replaced with the sounds of a live samba band, as they descend down the stairs from a wooden deck onto a large lawn encased by tall trees, and a lit pool at one end.

People approach Alex as they move through the crowd, exchanging hellos, handshakes and back slaps. Piper looks on, taking small rapid sips of her drink and soon a tuxedo-clad waiter with thick stubble refills her glass.

Finally she and Alex are left alone.

"This wasn't exactly what I was expecting. Y'know when you said party I was picturing beer pong and a bathtub full of neon cocktail," Piper grins.

"Guess I wanted to mix it up a little. Give you a more rounded college experience."

"I'm already having a rounded college experience." Piper means to deliver this lightly but it ends up sounding indignant.

Alex smirks, "What sorority parties and movie nights with the girls."

Piper can feel heat on her cheeks, and fumbles for a clever comeback, but she blanks, and instead looks down and then back at Alex, voice tight "Well what do you do?"

Alex shrugs and then laughs, "Work for an international drug cartel." A glimmer of confusion crosses Piper's face, but it's swiftly chased away by laughter.

Alex grabs Piper's hand. "You want to dance?"

She marches her towards the band, Piper's champagne spilling over the side of her glass as she struggles to keep up. When they reach the patio, Alex takes Piper's glass, places it on one of the white metal tables skirting the edge and pulls her into the center of the dance floor. They lose themselves in the steady beat of the drum. Alex closes the distance between them mirroring Piper's movements as they twist their bodies in time.

Three songs in, and sweat is sliding down Piper's back, and she grabs Alex's hands, "I need to sit down."

"C'mon one more." Alex slides her fingers into the belt loops of Piper's jeans, and tugs her gently.

Piper wriggles out of Alex's grip, the messy bun at the back of her head coming loose, a few strands sticking to her neck. She slumps into the nearest chair, throwing her head back, the cold air brushing her face. She feels high. Her gaze follows Alex as she continues to dance, flinging her arms in the air, hair whipping around her, oblivious to anyone or anything else.

A tall, tanned guy with black hair and a tight shirt takes Piper's place on the dance floor, dancing close to Alex. Piper expects Alex to move away, but instead she takes his hands and lets him spin and turn her, each move more outlandish than the last. She considers re-joining them on the dance floor, wondering if Alex will motion for her to come over, but the song ends, and she's still sat there.

The guy pulls Alex close, muttering something in her ear. Alex stares back at him intently, with a small smile. They are going to kiss. Piper feels a hard lump lodged in her throat, the familiar burn of shame at having misread the situation, for entertaining the notion that Alex is interested. She probably does this all the time, inviting people along to parties. Of course, she does.

And then Alex pulls away from the guy, laughing, and it's as if someone has pressed play again on the TV remote. She wanders over, dragging a chair next to Piper, the feet scraping across the concrete.

"More?" she tilts her champagne glass towards her.

"God no." says Piper shaking her head. She feels light headed but she's not sure if it's the alcohol or the relief.

Alex reaches inside her top and pulls out a perfectly rolled joint, and arches her eyebrow.

Piper laughs, "You're incorrigible."

"That's what my mom says."Alex lights the joint and inhales.

"What else does she say about you?"

"Infuriating, beyond redemption. What about yours?"

"A fine and upstanding young lady. A debutante." Piper's attempt at a straight-face doesn't last and she breaks into a giggle.

"That an accurate description?"

"Nooo." Piper laughs again shaking her head.

"So what is?"

Piper catches Alex's eyes and feels her gaze drilling into her. She wants to get the description right, she wants to create the right impression, but she can't quite land on the right answer, "I don't know. A creature of habit and convention. But with a need for adventure." Piper tilts the flute into her mouth, as if to underscore the last bit, gathering the last drops of champagne from the bottom.

"You sure you don't want another?" says Alex.

Piper shakes her head "I already drunk four glasses of champagne on an empty stomach, and I've got class first thing tomorrow."

"Is that your adventurous side breaking through?" Alex grins. Piper rolls her eyes.

"C'mon let's go and find some food" Alex moves tapping Piper's arm lightly with the back of her hand.

* * *

Piper follows Alex as she weaves her way through the crowd, and when she's in danger of losing her, Alex reaches back and grabs Piper's hand. They weave their way through a maze of hot bodies and trays of canapes, on the hunt for some real food.

They end up in the kitchen - a huge expanse of black granite against white walls, with a large island planted in the middle, rows of pans dangling above it. Alex rummages in a towering metallic fridge. "Ok, what do we have here? Bread, cheese, ketchup… caviar!"

Alex can feel Piper standing behind her, and her stomach twists slightly.

"I don't think caviar with ketchup is a thing,"

Alex looks over her shoulder, "Are you sure about that?"

"Summers in the Hamptons gave me a pretty good grounding."

Alex raises her eyebrows "Hamptons huh?"

"Is there any mayo?"

"Now there's that slummy Litchfield coming out in you." She grabs a handful of items from the fridge. "Mayo, turkey. Avocado, the most sensual of foods," Alex grins.

They slap the fillings between doorstep-sized wedges of bread and the kitchen fills with moans as Alex shoves the sandwich into her mouth.

"God I didn't realize how hungry I was," Alex says, cheek bulging with food.

Piper is leaning against the kitchen worktop feeling pleased that she's walked herself back from drunkenness. "Do you always make inappropriate sounds when you eat?"

"Not just when I eat." Piper isn't sure what's more infuriating - Alex's smugness or her own predictable embarrassment at Alex's inuendo.

Piper picks up a jalapeno jar from the side and concentrates on the ingredients label in an attempt to quell her nerves, glancing sideways as Alex stacks the plates and places them in the sink.

"Do you know that jalapenos were the first peppers to travel into space?"

"Really?" Alex turns around laughs and sauntering across the kitchen, plucking one out of the jar and popping it in her mouth.

"Ugh how can you do that?"

Alex picks another and angles it towards Piper's face. "You want one?"

Piper scrunches up her nose, retracting, "Ew, no. Alex!"

"C'mon. These bad boys have been in space. They're more than qualified for Piper Chapman's mouth."

"Alex. Stop." Piper is batting away the advancing jalapeno with her hands, finally grabbing Alex's wrists. "Stop!"

"Alllleeeex", a middle-aged man, leathery skin and a pot belly is standing at the doorway to the kitchen. "So good to see you."

"Shit. Sergei." Alex steps away from Piper, wiping her hands on her jeans.

He wanders over and put his hands on her shoulders, leaning in to kiss both cheeks. "And so good to see you having fun at my party. Who's this?"

"Sergei meet Piper. She's a friend of mine." Alex nudges the corner of her glasses with her hand. Piper steps forward, she's not sure what she's supposed to do given Alex's transformation from playful to business like. She pushes her hand out and they half-shake, punctuated with a quick smile.

"Cool. Cool. Listen Alex can we?" He motions towards the house. "Just for five minutes. Alone."

"Sure" Alex juts her head back slightly. She glances at Piper, not fully meeting her gaze but cups her upper arm. "I'll come and find you." , and she slips out of the kitchen.

* * *

Piper makes her way back outside, still with a buzz from the alcohol. It's cooler by the pool than inside and she sits down and resumes watching the heaving mass of bodies on the dance floor, while the trees spin slowly in the background. She tries to focus on the couple dancing nearest to her, half an attempt to convince herself that she isn't drunk. An older man in a blue shirt with huge circles of sweat under the arms of his shirt and a much younger woman who keeps scanning the crowd as if looking for an excuse to leave.

Piper checks her watch, it's been about twenty minutes and still no sign of Alex. Piper keeps scanning the garden and patio behind her, and wonders if she should just leave. She feels self-conscious sat alone, and the buzz from the champagne is wearing off, and she can feel the dryness on her tongue. She wonders what Polly is doing right now. Probably her and Pete are drunk at some sorry ass bar or at that excruciating freshmen comedy night they'd been two once or twice before. They're probably having a really good time, and Piper feels annoyed at herself for making the wrong choice.

"You one of Fahri's girls?"

Piper hadn't noticed the guy sitting down in the chair next to her. His breath smells sweet, and his brown shiny forehead takes up half of his face.

"I'm here with Alex." Piper pauses and then thinks to add "She's my friend. Kind of. I go to college with her." She glances at him, with a small quick smile and then fixes on the dance floor, willing him to find someone else to speak too.

Not taking the hint, the guy leans right into her, so close that Piper can feel his breath on her cheek and he slides his hand onto her thigh, gently squeezing it.

"Alex eh? The flavor of the month. You like pussy like her?" he chuckles.

His hand rests on her leg a moment longer than necessary and Piper feels her face burning. She thinks about moving but she doesn't want to seem rude. He's probably just being friendly. A few minutes later, she spots the guy that Alex was dancing with on the dance floor and scrambles out of the chair towards him.

* * *

Sergei is trying to negotiate a new deal – double the amount of product for a better price. Alex is way over her head. The whisky he's plying her with, on top of the champagne already flooding her system, the numbers slip and slide around her head, making it hard to calculate the margin.

After a protracted negotiation they cut a deal, and Alex quickly leaves. She snakes through the crowd in the main room, panic tapping lightly on the back of her neck as she wonders what Fahri will say about the deal. It's a little less than usual, but the quantity more than justifies the price she offered, as does the increased chance of more orders in the future. She keeps repeating this to herself trying to keep the uneasiness at bay.

Alex heads back along the corridor to the kitchen, passing another room on the way, the door slightly ajar. Three or four people are kneeling down around a coffee table, heads huddled, rolled up bills in their hands. But no Piper.

She's walks outside, moving around the pool, circling the dance floor, and then she sees her – leaning against the side of the house. Aydan's hand is resting on her back. Her chest contracts, a prickly heat crawling up her back as she strides over to them. Relief and anger pile on top of her all at once.

"Where the fuck have you been Piper. I've been looking all over for you." Alex's eyes are blazing. She glowers at Aydan, "You can go." Aydan puts his hands up in mock surrender and backs away.

Piper's surprise is quickly replaced by fury. She folds her arms.

"You left me sat out here for nearly an hour. You said five minutes Alex. Where the fuck were you? I've had guys sleazing all over me."

"Well from where I was just standing it looked like you were enjoying it." Alex instantly regrets this but the stress of the last hour is punching through.

Piper leans forward the full force of her venom stabbing her finger at Alex.

"Fuck you! I've had guys asking me if I like pussy, touching me." Piper is beginning to unspool, tears are gathering at the corners of her eyes. "One of them offered me heroine. He was looking after me," she jabs her thumb in Aydan's direction, "which is more than you were doing."

She turns and walks down the side of the house onto the driveway, nearly toppling over and swearing as she does so at her poor choice of footwear. She bends down to take them off and then continues bare-foot down the drive.

Alex knows she can't leave yet. It's too early. She can't just bail.

"Piper. Piper wait! You can't walk home. You don't even know the way." But Piper has already turned the corner.


	2. Chapter 2

When Piper finally returns to the dorm, Polly's still awake, leaning against the headboard with the reading light on.

"Shiiiitt! You made me jump," Piper whispers, eyes wide.

"We're sharing a room. How can you be surprised that I'm _in_ the room. At bedtime." She places her book face down. "So how was it?"

Piper starts undressing, facing away from Polly, shaking her head, exhaustion flooding her all of a sudden as the tension begins to drain from her limbs. "I don't know. I think you might be right."

"About her being a supercunt?"

Piper turns around, pulling on a white tank, and feels a twinge of disappointment mixed with the relief that comes from feeling validated. In the eight months they've know each other, Polly has definitely proved herself to be the more astute of the two of them.

"That's harsh. You spent two minutes in her company."

"Well is she?"

Piper shrugs, struggling to find the energy to relay what happened. She thinks if she says it out loud, it confirms condemns Alex for good, and there's a tiny bit of hope rattling around that Alex isn't an asshole; that there's a more sympathetic explanation for her behavior.

"It was fine. It was a party. There were people."

"Easy on the details there Pipes."

"How were Pete and Larry?"

"Oh y'know like going out with Beavis and Butthead. Except slightly less cerebral. He was asking after you."

"I don't know Pol, he's nice but..."

"You haven't even given him a chance." She puts the book on the side table and leans forward hugging her knees. "He's really nice Pipes, and good guys are hard to come by and I should know – look at Pete, although I'm eternally grateful he still hasn't tried to shove his dick up my ass."

"Yeah but you love him," Piper smiles, tilting her head. "He's romantic."

"You could do worse that's all I'm saying."

Piper slips under the covers turning sideways to face Polly, resting her face on her clasped hands, too exhausted to argue the point.

"I'm going down to the Dirty Truth tomorrow if you wanna come? With a few of the others. Larry might be there."

"I don't know." Piper lets out a long sigh. Tonight was draining. Part of her wants to hide in bed for the rest of the weekend but she also has the crazy notion of calling Alex. Maybe they could even meet for a coffee, clear the air, but the thought quickly follows that that's absurd after the way Alex behaved. Why should she be the one to back down.

"What else are you going to do? And don't say you're studying or doing pilates or whatever the hell it is that gets you all zen. You are a nineteen year old over-sexed freshman, start acting like one. And for your information, most people don't escape to college so that they can rebel on a yoga mat."

"Ok ok. I'll come", Piper says, a hint of resignation in her voice, but she's half pleased at the distraction.

They switch off the lights. Piper is desperate to sleep but she's still being carpet-bombed with thoughts of the night. She replays the last moments again and again – Alex disappearing, being groped by some sleazy guy, and then Alex having the audacity to suggest she'd enjoyed it, encouraged it in some way. Anger swells in her chest and then ebbs away again as her mind jumps back to everything that happened that afternoon. Alex is self-assured, funny, brazen and Piper thinks there's something so damn refreshing about that.

* * *

The following night, Piper tags along with Polly and a few other friends to the bar. As promised, Larry makes an appearance. Polly's right, he seems nice. Polly seems to notice because when Larry disappears to the bar she leans across the table whispering how great it's going to be now the four of them can go on double dates. And Larry has a car which means freedom to break out of campus. Polly clearly believes this benefit should erase any lingering doubts that Piper has.

Piper is finding it hard to maintain her indifference to Larry. The evening feels like the exact opposite of the night before. This is how college life is supposed to be – low-key beers, with friends. No drama. And Polly's right Larry does seem like a good guy – he's cracks jokes that are worse than her Dad's but somehow his awkwardness is endearing.

When it's her turn to go buy the drinks she thinks she sees Aydan at the end of the bar but the crowd is three lines deep and she can't get a clear look. She checks around the bar on her way to the restroom but there's no sign of him or Alex, and she feels a small stab of disappointment, although the memory of Alex's accusatory _it looked like you were enjoying it_ quickly nulls it.

She meets Larry for a drink the following week. They catch a movie and then dinner, and afterwards they end up outside her dorm building, leaning back against the brick wall, kissing.

He's not bad at it, but not great either, kind of over-enthusiastic and slightly sloppy, and Piper keeps reminding herself of why this is a good idea – he's the kind of guy she knows her mum will approve of, he's sweet and kind and that's what matters. He seems to pick up that when she's disappearing somewhere else _Pipes are you ok? Earth to Piper_ , and she snaps out of it and tries to plunge herself back into the moment, until the list of reasons starts to roll through her mind again.

* * *

Larry is all over the place, he's crushed her big toe more than once. Polly keeps looking over with an apologetic smile and a shrug.

"I think we should sit down." Piper is shouting close to his ear.

"WHAT?"

The salsa music blares through the loud speakers right next to them, and the teacher is shouting instructions over it.

Piper tugs at Larry's hand and they slump onto the chairs at the edge of the dance floor. Polly and Pete fall beside them shortly after.

"Got some work to do Larry." Larry jolts forward as Pete slaps his back, hard.

"Jesus I'm going to have a cardiac arrest." Sweat is trickling down the front of her face, and Polly is tugging at the corners of her shirt trying to cool down.

"Don't put yourself down Pol"'. Polly shoots Pete a sarcastic smile and turns to Piper, "I'm sorry. This was a bad idea. It was bad wasn't it?"

Piper smiles, "Kinda. Put it this way you're lucky you're my best friend."

She's annoyed at Polly, at forcing the hook up with Larry, rather than something that Piper wants but as always she's somehow found herself agreeing to it, and now isn't sure how to extricate herself, which then makes her annoyed at herself.

Larry is sat to the other side of her and he reaches out and takes her hand. It feels clammy and their sweat kind of sticks together. She gives him a brief sideways glance and smiles at him.

And then she sees Aydin. He's caught her eye at exactly the same time and ambles over to where they are, his hair smothered in gel, and the pungent smell of aftershave. She whips her hand away hoping Aydin didn't see, and anxiety pricks her when she thinks about the other night – how she'd cried as she told him about the guy that had offered a wrap of heroin in return for a couple of hours alone. In retrospect she feels embarrassed at her overreaction but also how grateful she was when Aydin stepped in and told the guy to go fuck himself.

"Hey what are you doing here?" She tries to keep it light.

He kind of wiggles his hips a little, "Practicing." And a sly smile is plastered across his face. He looks across at the other three who are talking among themselves, with a perfunctory nod.

"And you?"

Piper looks sheepish, "Practicing?" and then they both laugh at the obvious ridiculousness of that statement. "I'm just with some friends." Piper wants to ask him where Alex is, but Polly comes over.

"Hi I'm Polly" she reaches out her hand, and then turns to Piper, who remembers her manners, "This is Aydin, Alex's friend."

Polly smiles at him and then turns to Piper, "we were thinking let's get out of here – there's a burger place a few blocks away. I think that's better suited to our skill set."

"Yeah just give me a minute." Piper wonders what Alex told him, if anything. She wants to ask where Alex is but doesn't want the fact that she was asking after her to get back to Alex. Maybe she hates her. She fumbles to try and think of a way to keep the conversation going and is just standing there with her mouth opening and closing looking like she's on the verge of saying something.

Aydan seems bemused by this, and he points over his shoulder with this thumb, "I guess I should get back if I want to get really good."

"Yeah sure, well see you around." He turns to walk away, and she blurts "Have you seen Alex?"

She scans his face for clues of how any conversation he and Alex might have had about here but finds none.

He turns around, "Yeah tonight actually." He looks expectantly.

"Tell her I said hi?"

That night, on the verge of sleep, thoughts of Alex elbow their way in. The edges of her anger have softening.

Twice in the last week of term, she finds herself arriving early outside lectures or taking a detour passing through the library or cafeteria, in the hope she might see Alex, and she'll apologize. She even considers going back to the salsa class.

But Alex seems to have vanished.

* * *

Spring Break rolls around and by the time Piper gets in her car and drives the three hours home to Litchfield, Alex is drifting to the edge of her thoughts, pushed aside with worry about how to survive the break trapped at home with her parents.

On her second day back she goes shopping and then to lunch at the local art gallery with her mother and suppresses an eye roll as she watches her air kiss acquaintances and gasp in faux admiration at her friend's new hairdo - always followed by an unflattering comment once they're out of earshot. Piper makes sure she smiles in all the right places, and the lunch almost makes it worth it after a semester of fries and pizza.

The only consolation of being stuck at home is her younger brother Cal - a freshman in high school with a serious weed habit. The stench from his room is so pungent that Piper is incredulous that her parents haven't clocked it, not that her Dad is around much.

"Cal?" Piper taps at his bedroom door.

He opens it surrounded by a fug of smoke and waves her in with a long sweep of his arm. "Please be seated."

"Jeez Cal. Do you think you might want to open a window?"

"What and send a smoke signal that copious quantities of skunk are being consumed. What kind of stupid do you think I am?"

"Well, the fact that the whole house smells of weed _might_ just give them a clue."

"Nah. The combo of mom's potpourri and that terrible perfume she douses herself in are my protection." He gazes out the window at the sky. "I mean _where_ does she get that stuff? What perfumery in Paris or Milan or wherever the fuck _thinks_ that …that pheromone is an acceptable fragrance for the twenty first century. "He takes a long slow tug on the joint, "Pipes, the world truly is a mysterious place."

"It is. Can I have some?"

"Perfume?" Cal frowns "Really?"

"No you moron. The joint."

"This? Wow college really is the hotbed of subversion in the American education system. I never thought that YOU of all people would.."

"Just give it to me." Piper swipes it out of his hand, and slowly inhales. Immediately she feels the buzz surge through her body. "God that's good," she says as she exhales a long swirl of smoke.

It only takes half a joint before Piper is back in her room, lying on her own bed, comatose. Her body is sinking into the mattress, and she's cocooned in nostalgia. She's thinking about Alex again, the two of them lazing on the grass with the sun warming their bodies, the smell of the grass. She can't recall what they talked about that afternoon, but she remembers Alex's gentle teasing, her guttural laugh, the flashes of vulnerability.

She picks up her phone and scrolls down to Alex's number, thumb hovering.

She wakes up a few hours later, and tries to remember where she is. The light in the room is fading. She glances out of the window and sees the clouds rolling across the sky, their undersides dark now that the sun is setting.

She fumbles for her phone and bites her lip. No reply. The embarrassment rips through her.

* * *

Two days later and Piper beats Cal in a race to pick up the phone. It's Polly offering an impromtu escape in the form of a five day break in New York in a plush upper west side apartment owned by Pete's parents. The tension she's been holding ever since she sent that text slides off of her.

The apartment spans two floors with a large open plan living room and kitchen occupying most of the first floor, with a vista of Central Park. Piper and Polly glance sideways at one another, not quite believing their luck.

"So ladies, this is the master suite." Pete's pushing against two huge double oak doors that swing open to reveal a king-size bed and a large vase of white lilies on a table at the end.

"And Piper, you're here." He walks in to the room adjacent and stops, cupping a hand around the side of his mouth, "And feel free to invite any guests back. As long as they're clean. Which rules out Larry eh? Dirty bastard!" Pete guffaws and Polly glares at him. He quickly checks his watch, and raises his eyebrows, "we're leaving in an hour, so we need to get this pre-game going fast."

They're in a cab hurtling through the city to a boutique bar in the East Village where Pete's friend is celebrating his birthday. Piper's blood is humming from the vodka sodas and Polly is barely through the door before she orders a round of margaritas, thrusting one into Piper's hand. Larry is circling and corners her at the bar. He's actually kind of funny, regaling the run-ins he's had with his overbearing Jewish mother, and that, mixed with the alcohol is making Piper feel better about the past week. She tries to coax the thought that maybe he's not so bad after all.

Polly sticks her head between the two of them "Last call for the bar, we're leaving in fifteen. You're coming right Larry?"

"Yeah if I'm invited," he smiles.

"Oh you are," says Polly raising her eyebrows and briefly trapping Piper's gaze.

The club is heaving and Piper's shoes stick and skid on the beer-soaked floor. Larry offers to queue up for the cloakroom and the rest of the group barrel to the dance floor. The club is jammed, a mob of bodies generating intense heat.

After dancing with the group for a while, Piper decides to head up to the second floor hoping for a more low-key vibe and some air. She high fives Polly and the two other girls she's been dancing with and exits the dance floor, climbing the black painted stairwell, climbing over the huddles of limp bodies lounging on the steps, shouting and laughing.

She enters the second floor, and that's when she sees Alex.

She's lounging against the bar with a martini, twirling a cocktail stick, a green olive perched on top, between her ruby red finger tips. She looks different than before. Older and more sophisticated – maybe it's the way her hair is piled on top of her head, or the scarlet lipstick or sleek black shirt.

She's talking to another woman with long brown hair interrupted by streaks of green. She's a couple of inches shorter than Alex, also dressed in black. Alex throws her head back, and Piper can hear her deep guttural laugh cutting through the air, Alex's right hand is on the woman's hip, and Piper's insides begin to crumple.

How could she have been so stupid? Spending weeks playing out an imaginary relationship in her head when Alex wasn't even interested. It's obvious now - that's why she never returned her text, such a blatant brush off. But like her mother always says, she's too clingy, too needy. People don't want to be around someone like that. The humiliation swarms over her.

Piper spins round and dashes back to the staircase praying that Alex hasn't seen her. Her head is swirling, the disappointment curdling in her stomach. And then she crashes into Larry.

"Whoa. Are you ok?'" One of the drinks he's carrying slops over onto his shirt.

"Shit." She dabs at it ineffectually with her hand.

"You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I just needed some air. Where are the others?"

"Still dancing. Wanna get another?"He's holding up the half-full glass and is nodding towards the bar where Alex is stood.

"No, no." She clasps his hand, it feels clammy. She takes a deep breath and then more calmly, "let's go out here." And then she's kissing him, on the stairwell. She's desperate to displace Alex with the taste and tone of someone else. She kisses him fast and hard, trying to press the image of Alex out of her. He seems taken aback at first, but quickly kisses her back.

"Let's go outside." His breathe has quickened. "This isn't exactly private." He has that stupid lop-sided smile on this face but Piper quickly papers over that thought, desperate to get out of sight.

They go out the back doors onto a small balcony, dotted with tables, candles flickering. There are a handful of people outside - a raucous group of women playing a drinking game and two guys smoking and reclining in their chairs.

Larry shuffles her up against the wooden railing, hands either side of her, eyes roaming all over her, and he's beginning to press against her. She's not sure she wants this, but when she tries to pull away, he persists, harder than before, and she can't breathe, and now his hand is sliding up her inner thigh.

"Stop. No." she gasps, and grabs his wrist but he resists. "I said fucking stop!" Her eyes wide, her voice shrill. He jolts backwards, and heads snap around staring at them.

Piper is surprised at the strength of her reaction, and slightly ashamed of it. But it's feels all too much. How can she be doing the right thing when it feels so wrong. She should like Larry, she should want to be with him, but she can't shake Alex. The possibility has burrowed under her skin and now she can't rid herself of it. Which makes her even angrier given she's only met her once.

Piper storms through sliding doors at the back of the bar, Larry is striding after her, his face buckled with anger and his hand grasping at her upper arm.

"Piper wait! I'm sorry ok."

"Get off of me." Piper yanks her arm free.

And then Alex strides over and wedges herself between them. She rounds on Larry, "Hey, leave her alone."

"What the fuck has it got to do with you?" Larry looks incredulous.

Right now, Piper wants to disappear. She wants Larry as far away from her as possible, but she also doesn't want Alex here either. The thought that Alex thinks she and Larry are together prickles. She feels humiliated that the version of herself that she painstakingly constructed to impress Alex at the party is coming apart. And now she feels completely exposed. That she should think she and Larry are together. It's shameful.

Right now she needs to shut this down, and then go home, and forget this ever happened.

"Alex. Alex please don't." Piper's outstretched arm is stopping her from getting any nearer to Larry, she doesn't want to prolong this anymore than necessary. Alex seems to acquiesce and backs off.

"You know her?" Larry frowns.

"Larry please just go." Piper curls her lips inwards.

"You're a fucking tease Piper." Larry's cheeks are a hot red and hurt dents Piper's face, and Larry immediately tries to retract it. "I'm sorry, sorry. I didn't mean that. I'm… I'm … confused by you."

"Please just go" Piper forces the words with a clenched jaw.

Alex is stood to the side, and raises her eyebrows, her arms crossed, and Larry slopes off down the stairs, looking back a couple of times as if he's considering additional arguments that might change the course of this.

As he leaves, a guy with a neat brown mustache and a gold chain dangling around his neck approaches, sidling up to Alex. "Is there some kind of problem here."

It isn't a question. Alex shakes her head, "No we're good," she mumbles staring straight back at him, half in challenge. "Good" he says glancing between her and Piper. "I'll be over there." He nods over to the bar where the woman with green hair is standing.

He leaves and Alex exhales, her eyes soft. "Are you ok? What the hell was that about?"

Piper's eyes are frantic and she looks like she's on the verge of crying. She swallows thickly. "I'm fine. I've got to go. Besides you should really get back to your girlfriend over there."

"My girlfriend?" Confusion and amusement scuds across Alex's face.

Piper folds her arms, surprised by her second wave of anger, "Yeah your girlfriend. The one you've been draping yourself all over at the bar."

Alex juts her head back slightly. "She's not my girlfriend Piper."

"You haven't been on campus for weeks, you didn't return my text. Where have you been?"

"You told me to go fuck myself so..." Alex is smirking, looking at the floor.

"You haven't answered my question." Piper's sharp voice slices through and Alex's eyes snap back to hers.

"Around ok? " Alex says, softer this time, and glances over at Fahri at the bar - he raises his glass, the would-be mule is examining her nails. "Look I can't do this right now."

"Fine. Then I'll see you later." Piper turns to leave, but Alex grabs her hand.

"Piper, wait, wait. Give me ten minutes ok. We can go and get a drink or something."

Piper's face relaxes slightly and she nods. Relief nudges Alex in the ribs.

"Wait for me downstairs."

* * *

Alex has been in New York for the last three weeks shadowing Fahri as he makes arrangements for an incoming shipment. It's Alex's reward for the deal she closed with Sergei. When Fahri found out he insisted on celebrating with the team at an up-market cocktail bar, clasping her shoulders, muttering, "that's my girl". Some of the others cast side-way glances at each other.

Fahri has paid for a plush apartment on the Upper East Side, wooden oak floors book-ended by bare brick walls and large sash windows stretching from floor to ceiling. The kitchen alone is the size of Diane's apartment and Alex feels the guilt rattling around inside.

The pace is brutal and the learning curve near vertical, but she begins to understand the complexity of the operation – the logistics required to move large quantities of cash and product across borders, the minor glitches that can bring the whole thing crashing down. And all the while she's getting better at flipping potential mules. She's becoming an expert in persuading girls to do what she wants, making them feel that she's doing them a favor.

Sometimes she sleeps with them, not to seal the deal but because she can. There is something intoxicating about the power of her position. The mules she recruits have complete faith in her, that she's in complete control of the situation. Even Alex is beginning to believe she's infallible.

There's one mule she meets on her second night in New York, Caitlin. Freshly graduated from NYU, another liberal arts graduate with a paid for degree that she has no clue what to do with. This riles Alex who is tired of seeing privileged rich girls being given everything on a plate when Dianne is working seventy hour weeks just to keep afloat, the occasional night out at the local bar her only respite.

Alex has already delivered two mules to Fahri this week, but he needs one more to make the logistics around the shipment watertight. Caitlin's attractive and is coming on strong. They end up back at Alex's apartment, entwined beneath the crumpled white sheets, Alex's leg slung across the other girl's hip.

"What if it bursts?"

Alex is stroking Caitlin's hair behind her ear.

"It won't. I promise, that's not gonna happen." That's a barefaced lie – it happens all too frequently. Only last month a bag split inside one of the mules, who was then hospitalized for six days in Jakarta. And that's not even accounting for the risk of arrest at the other end, though Fahri told her that the arrests tend to come in waves, when the authorities order a crackdown.

"I've read about it that's all."

"Look, it happens when they don't seal the bags properly - but that's when you're dealing with amateurs. We know what we're doing – we've done this literally thousands of times." Alex tilts Caitlin's chin with her fingertips, her eyes soft. "Focus on the after – sitting on white sandy beaches, drinking cocktails, luxury hotels. Think of the stories you'll have." Alex smirks.

"I don't know…"

Alex rolls onto her back, hand behind her head, and sighs, "Well if you wanna be one of those boring little rich girls, doing an internship with Daddy's friend in some bland as fuck city firm go for it." Caitlin's face sags in on itself. Alex turns her head "It's just I know you're more than that."

Alex regards Caitlin for a moment. Her naivety - and how she's taking advantage of it. She feels a prick of guilt but reminds herself that it's girls like Caitlin who tormented her her whole life. She's hardly being forced into this, it's not like she hasn't got other options. She wants to do it.

"Will you be there? In Bali I mean." Caitlin says, eyes huge and unblinking.

"Yeah of course." Another lie.

The uncertainty on Caitlin's face arranges itself into a determined look, jaw set, gaze unwavering. "I'll do it".

Alex's face breaks into a smile as she rolls on top of her, fingers interlacing with hers. "See I knew you were different. That you had balls." She raises her eyebrows and slides her hand down between Caitlin's legs. "Metaphorically speaking of course."

* * *

"I like your tattoo."

Alex looks over her shoulder, squashing the tea bag against the side of the cup.

"It's for luck. Not that I need it." Alex grins.

She then turns and slides the mug towards Piper who is sat at the breakfast bar. She looks tired but the tightness in her face has gone.

"Yeah well I won't disagree. How the hell did you afford this place? It's incredible." Piper sips the tea "Hmmm that's really good. You know sometimes I think I'm really a forty year old trapped in a nineteen year old's body. It's 1am on a Saturday night in the greatest city in the world, and I can't think of anything I'd rather be doing than drinking tea."

"Well you said you had an unfulfilled need for adventure."

"You remembered."

"Of course." Alex smiles "So what was the deal with that guy?"

"He's a friend, kind of. He was getting a bit handsy and didn't like hearing no."

"Huh. That sucks."

"Yeah I seem to be attracting them lately." She raises her eyebrows and looks down, gripping the mug in her hands, pressing her thumbs down on the rim.

Alex shifts on her feet. "Look Pipes I'm sorry about that night. I lost track of time. I didn't mean to leave you that long." She's searching Piper's face for a trace of forgiveness. "And I'm sorry for what I said." Alex starts pulling at some loose skin at the base of her finger nail with her teeth. The silence stretches out between them.

"So why didn't you return my text?"

"I don't know. I was angry I guess – at you for walking off. At me. For fucking up a perfectly good evening." Alex swallows hard as she pushes the truth out there waiting to see if it sinks or floats.

Piper's face softens, and Alex feels the tension coiled around her unravel, meeting Piper's gaze with a small smile.

Her phone rings and she looks down at the flashing screen. Fuck. It's Fahri. And the tightness inches across her chest again.

"Sorry, I need to get this." She wanders off into the bedroom and closes the door. Fahri is demanding to know where Alex is, why she didn't seal the deal with the woman at the bar. It's the first time that Alex can detect shades of anger in his voice, but she rationalizes it thinking it's probably just because he's drunk or high. Still, she's going to have to go to Chelsea where he's tapping up a potential client. She tips her forehead against the bedroom door, feeling the weight of her skull against it. She's tired, and she just wants to sleep, preferably with Piper next to her.

She strides back into the kitchen. "My friend has lost his keys. I'm really sorry. I need to go and let him in. You can stay here if you want until I get back…" The last part lacks conviction because she knows she'll be out for the rest of the night.

Disappointment maneuvers around Piper's face but she schools it into a determined expression. "No it's fine. I needed to go anyway. Polly will wonder where I am."

Piper ducks into the waiting taxi and winds down the window. "See you back at campus I guess?"

Alex's hands are scrunched into tight fists, lodged in the pockets of her leather jacket. It's cold and it's 1am and the last thing she wants to do is schlep across town. She grits her teeth and nods, partly in annoyance, partly to ward off the cold.

She bangs on the taxi window as it starts to move.

"Wait, wait. Are you free tomorrow?"

Piper's face lightens. "Yeah." Then qualifies it slightly, "Well I need to get a lift back with Polly tomorrow night."

"You want take a trip to the beach? I've been here for three weeks and haven't even made it out of Manhattan."

Piper nods "Sounds good. And Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't say thank you for earlier. Y'know with Larry."

"Oh that asshat."

Piper laughs and it reaches all the way up to her eyes. And then she's gone.


	3. Chapter 3

They take the train and then ferry to Fire Island. Alex's head is thumping. After saying goodbye to Piper last night, she'd met up with Fahri, and they ended up in a burlesque club on seventh avenue with some Russian dudes, who insisted she and Fahri sample the eight different flavors of vodka on display behind the bar, more than once. Fahri's terseness dissolved by the time they got to the club, and with the help of a couple of bumps, he and Alex seemed to be back on an even footing.

They're outside on the ferry deck, and Piper is stood leant against the railings, wind whipping her hair across her face, Long Island sliding back on the horizon. A warm sensation is scurrying around Alex's body. This feels good - an entire day stretched ahead with Piper, uninterrupted by Fahri or morons like Larry and she's determined not to fuck it up.

Alex passes Piper a brown paper bag and a coffee. "Breakfast?"

"That's sooo nice of you Alex" her eyes are gleaming and warm, making Alex's heart hum. Piper rummages through, "except I don't see anything I recognize apart from donuts."

Alex leans in, peering inside and smiling, "You've never heard of samosas?"

"For breakfast?" she looks up, a wry smile on her face, "No."

"And this coffee," Piper shakes her head holding the cup up, forcing herself to swallow, "it's the opposite of smooth."

"Unlike me," Alex deadpans. "You know, most people, if you bought them breakfast, would say thank you."

Piper slips a piece of paper out of her back pocket and carefully unfolds it. "So I did some research on things to do."

"When between the early hours of this morning and now did you find time do that? That's kind of impressive," Alex mutters into her coffee.

Piper presses on, ignoring her. "I mean obviously there's the light house but there's also this artists' residency, which has this exhibition on. I thought it might be kind of cool?" She doesn't wait for Alex to answer. "And I checked the ferry schedule back – if we get the five o'clock, I should make my lift with Polly, so that gives us seven hours once we're there."

Piper starts counting out the activities on her fingers, "So wander round the town and beach, lunch, quick tour of the lighthouse then the art gallery – I think we should have time, don't you?" She's looking up now and Alex guffaws.

"You forgot to schedule in spontaneity."

Hurt flickers across Piper's face, but it's quickly replaced with a laugh, and she whacks Alex's arm. "Fuck you. You said you hadn't left Manhattan for three weeks. I thought you'd want to make the most of it."

Alex tears off a large piece of donut and shoves it in her mouth.

"I've already been here like a hundred times. Sometimes when I skipped class. Sometimes with my mom. There was this great hot dog stall." Alex closes her eyes, "They had these amazing dogs smothered in ketchup and mustard on these soft white rolls. It was a win-win. My mom had the hots for the guy at the stall, I had the hots for the dogs."

Piper rolls her eyes, laughing, "Did anyone ever tell you your jokes are terrible?"

Alex shrugs, a crooked smile tugging at her mouth. "Bad jokes, unconventional breakfast choices. You could do worse."

The words jangle awkwardly in the air, and Piper looks at her hands. Maybe that was too much too soon.

"I can picture you as a surly truant kicking around the seafront - assignations in alleyways, fumbling in the sand."

Alex shakes her head, "It was more straight-up fucking on the beach, thoroughly enjoyed by both parties. What about you? No hang on don't tell me," putting her hands up to stop Piper divulging. "Prom night?"

"Even I'm not that predictable." Piper gives her a sideways glance, a smile on the corner of her mouth.

"In tennis whites behind the club house?"

"You should really keep your sexual fantasies to yourself," says Piper laughing but it's stopped short by Alex's smirk, and Piper's cheeks redden. "Back of my car actually."

"Classy."

* * *

They spend the morning ambling along the boardwalk and then the beach. The sun is warming Alex's bones after weeks of nocturnal living; swinging from party to club to apartment and back again. The island hasn't changed much, she can't remember when she was last here, but the smell of the sea and the ramshackle aesthetic is steeping her in nostalgia.

They pass a store and grab snacks and at Alex's insistence some beer, despite Piper reprimanding her for drinking this early. They sit on the beach watching a cluster of surfers skimming the tops of the waves. The ocean air is fresh and feathery on their faces, condensation trickling down the cold beer bottles.

"So you never answered my question. I haven't seen you for weeks, what have you been doing?"

"Things and stuff" Alex smirks glancing at Piper, noting her pursed lips. If she stretches this lie much further it's going to snap but she isn't sure whether mixing the truth and Piper is a good idea. It feels like some high stakes science experiment, and she's only just got everything back on an even keel.

"I had to go and visit my Mom in Queens, and then hung out with friend in the city."

"You'll get kicked out of college y'know if you miss too many classes. In fact that happened to someone in my poetry class – they missed three seminars and that was it. Out."

Alex doesn't respond, hoping she'll change the topic.

"You don't care?" Piper persists, "lots of people would kill to be there."

"It'd only get taken by some Park Slope rich girl. Smith's full of them, one less won't matter." Bitterness is piled up behind the words _,_ and Piper winces slightly, which then makes Alex feel guilty for her sharp, uncompromising tone. She adds lightly, _"_ Besides they can't kick me out. I quit."

Piper eyes widen. "When?"

"Before spring break. It wasn't working out." Alex is twisting the ring on her left finger. She decides to play the money card to elicit some sympathy. "It was hard trying to make the classes and do the work and make enough money to bank roll it all, so I quit."

Technically it's a lie, but there is a sliver of truth in it. She first moved to Northampton planning to accumulate just enough cash to help Diane out a bit, buy the time to figure out what she wanted to do with her life, and going to college was possible. But the money is harder to give up than she thought, and more than that she never anticipated how addictive the high of the actual work would be - closing the deal, outsmarting the authorities. At last she's found something that she's really fucking good at,and more than that, something that can offer her a different future to the one that's been marked out - the one that involves a string of shitty low paid jobs, earning barely enough to make her rent, and the prospect of having her mom's life truly terrifies her.

Piper's face softens, "You should have said something. I could have helped." She looks genuinely concerned, and Alex's heart pinches at the thought of someone, other than Dianne, actually giving a shit. And it feels like it's been far too long coming.

They sit in silence. Piper's gaze is fixed on the horizon, Alex tries to decipher what Piper might be thinking while scooping out clods of wet sand with her hand. Half of her is considering phoning up admissions and enrolling in Smith right now to restore Piper's previous good mood, which then makes her wonder if she's beginning to lose the power of rational thought.

Finally, in an effort to jolt them out of the heavy silence, Alex nudges Piper with her elbow. "You wanna go and check out that hot dog stand?"

Piper smiles back, and everything is alright again. "Only if you promise the hot guy is there."

* * *

The guy isn't hot. He's at least sixty with wiry gray hairs growing out of his ears and sprouting over the top of his off-white t-shirt; the brown flesh of his belly folds over the top of his jeans.

"Your mom always go for this type?" Piper whispers into Alex's ear, biting back a laugh.

Alex rolls her eyes. "No dummy, it was like ten years ago – he had hair on his head back then. And slightly thinner."

The guy does in fact recognize her – it must be the glasses, though now plasters aren't holding the frame together.

"I know you!" Benny's looking up to the sky, waving the tongs around. "Dianne right?"

"Yeah well that's my mom. I'm her daughter.. Alex." a bemused expression ripples across Alex's face.

"Diiaannne. How she doing? Tell her I miss her. God she's got a beautiful smile." He presses his palm on his chest, "she got to come see me soon. And you, what happened to you? All grown-up. Jesus you're like six feet taller."

He drops the tongs on the grill, and thumbs the sleeve of her cashmere jumper, "and you look like you're doing pretty well for yourself too huh? Better turned out than last time I saw you eh?" He laughs. He doesn't mean any harm but she feels heat prickle on her cheeks. It's weird how the mention of the past always provokes this reaction. You'd think it would lessen with time, but the shame bubbles up under her skin, and however hard she's tries to outgrow her teenage years, she can't seem to rid herself of them, which pisses her off even more.

She zooms back in on the guy, who is now pointing the tongs at her, as if he's about to make a groundbreaking insight, "You know what though, I always knew you'd do well. Remember when you used to try and cut a deal with me over the hotdog. Two for one. Huh? Or an ice-cream on the side. And I'd always give in. Couldn't say no."

Alex laughs. She'd forgotten that part. Dianne used to put her up to it, although she was always more than willing. Dianne said she got Alex to do it to get in with Benny, but on reflection it was probably more to do with money, or lack of it.

Alex gives Benny thirty bucks for the two hot dogs, saying it's recompense for all of the free ones, and he crushes himself against her, ham-like arms wrapped around her waist, the top of his head tickling her chin. It's a ridiculous sight and Alex knows it.

"You two beautiful ladies come back and see me soon huh?"

Alex glances over at Piper, whose lips are pressed tightly together trying to suppress a laugh. "Just don't." Alex mouths, shaking her head.

* * *

They eat their hot dogs whilst wandering among the scattering of shops and cafes, browsing in the windows, their reflections staring back at them.

They dip into a couple of vintage stores and then a second hand bookshop, getting lost in the aisles, excavating their favorites from the shelves. They spend some time in the romance section reading aloud to each other, giggling at the clichéd descriptions of love and lust, which earns them indignant stares from the owner. Then they split up – Piper heading for the shelves crammed with secondhand classics whilst Alex loiters in the horror section. Piper has been staring at the same book for a long time, struggling to focus on the words as her thoughts chase after Alex. She glances across now and then watching Alex rummage through the shelves, occasionally picking a book out and fanning briefly through its pages.

She wonders about Alex quitting college, and whether it means she'll move away from Northampton. Disappointment pools inside her. She's literally just met her, it seems really unfair for her to leave.

The thought is interrupted by Alex bounding over, holding a book in her hand, smugness bursting out of her face.

"What are you looking so pleased about?"

Alex cocks her head, brandishing the book in Piper's face. "A signed copy of Stephen King's It."

"Oh my god!" Piper shrieks, slapping her hand over her mouth as the owner glares at her.

"Keep your voice down."

"Sorry!" Piper says in a loud stage whisper.

"I can sell this," Alex says shaking the book in her hand. "This, my friend, is easy money."

She slips the book down the front of her jeans, wedging it in the waistband and stretches her white t-shirt over it.

"Alex!"

"If she sees it's signed, she'll never sell it. Come on let's get out of here" Alex strides towards the door before Piper can object. Piper hurries after her as Alex speed walks down the street and sidesteps into a café.

"Next time can you give me some warning." Piper's reproach is betrayed by the smile in her eyes.

They order a couple of macchiatos and sit outside on the pavement people watching. Piper is basking in Alex's irreverence. She feels rebellious and exciting, and it's making her heady. It's like being back in middle school again – racking up credibility by association, the thrill of being part of something. She never quite managed it at school. Her inner geek always betrayed her, leaving her observing the cool kids from the sidelines, but with Alex she feels like maybe she's got a second chance.

It's late afternoon and they stroll back to the beach, spreading out their sweaters to sit and watch the sunset. The wind has gathered force and is blowing a thin sheen of sand across the beach, and the sun is disappearing behind a thick strip of cloud on the horizon, shooting god rays out into the ashen sky.

Piper is giving up on the idea of getting back to Northampton tonight – it's getting too late and the steady intake of beer combined with Alex has brought on an extreme case of the fuck-its.

Piper is huddled over, hugging her knees. Alex is lay down, propped up on her elbows, smoking a joint.

Alex tugs at Piper's elbow. "Hey" trying to pull her out of her thoughts, offering her the joint, which after a short pause, Piper takes.

Alex pats the ground next to her, arching an eyebrow, "C'mere."

Piper lowers herself next to Alex. They're both now lying on their backs, gazing at the darkening sky, and Piper can feel the back of Alex's hand touching hers. She suddenly feels very conscious of her breathing, she can feel lungs pushing at her rib cage, and it's making it hard to catch her breath. She's not entirely sure whether it's Alex or the weed that's responsible.

She wonders if she's misreading the signs. She concentrates really hard on her left hand to check she's not imagining it.

"What are you smiling at?" Alex is looking at her, smirking.

"Nothing." Piper is staring extra hard at the sky, worried that Alex can read her thoughts. She composes herself and turns her head, nearly rendered cross-eyed by the proximity of her face to Alex's.

She takes another tug on the joint, and exhales a cloud of smoke into Alex's face, setting them off into another fit of giggles.

Piper recomposes herself. "How come you have a never-ending supply of weed?"

"Because I like it." Alex shrugs.

"You must be single-handedly propping up the entire weed economy of Northampton."

Alex's raises her eyebrows, "Maybe I run the weed economy of Northampton."

Piper shifts her body slightly on the sweater, silent for a moment, considering that statement as it hangs in the air above her. Eventually she says, "What do you mean?"

"Well the weed is a perk of my job. I sell on campus, so I take a cut for myself whenever I need some."

"Right." Piper goes quiet, turning it over in her head, considering what the right reaction is to this revelation. She's never met anyone who sells drugs so she doesn't really have a reference point. Before Alex she'd only smoked a handful of times, and her parents definitely think marijuana is akin to heroin or crack, which is ridiculous, but she's less certain how she should feel about people who actually sell it.

"Do you worry you'll get in trouble?" She immediately regrets saying it, inwardly cringing at sounding like a complete nerd but she's unable to curb her curiosity about whether or not Alex cares.

Alex's laugh says it all. "Fuck no. 90% of the girls on campus buy from me – they're all fucking implicated. It's all good. And now I can extend the perks to you." The mischief glimmers in her eyes.

Piper laughs nervously, biting her bottom lip, "Yeah?"

Alex turns her head, looking directly at Piper, "Yeah."

They lie there for a while gazing up at the sky as the inky blackness of nightime swallows up the dusk, and stars begin to appear as if they are being switched on one by one. Alex lights another joint and passes it to Piper.

"What's your plan? Like if you've checked out of Smith I mean, what are you going to do?"

"Fucked if I know. That's part of the fun of it isn't it – the not knowing. I mean I need to get out of Northampton, away from studentsville."

Piper bristles a little at the condescension with which Alex dismisses – Smith, her life - the place where she's poured tens of thousands of dollars, but it's outweighed by her envy of Alex's insouciance in the face of the expectations most people had, the expectations that boxed Piper in. All of the things that Piper's parents, teachers, friends cling to as signifiers of happiness and success, Alex railroads straight through.

It's more than that though. She doesn't want Alex to leave, which is ridiculous seeing as they've only spent a few hours together, but she feels cheated because she's only just found her.

"Smith's not that bad." It's a feeble attempt at a defense.

"You would say that. You're a nice, blond lady from the suburbs, housekeeper, skiing holidays, nanny. You had Smith written all over you the day your mom pushed you out of her perfectly manicured vagina."

"Ew Alex!" Piper slaps Alex's arm with the back of her hand, "Did you really need to go there."

"Probably not." Alex smirks.

"If you're trying to seduce someone that's really not the way to do it you know." Piper meant for it to come out as a joke, but it sounded funnier in her head, and when it spills out of her mouth, it splits apart revealing its truth. She hopes Alex hasn't heard, or is too stoned to respond, but no such luck.

Alex leans up onto her elbows, narrowing her eyes, eyes drilling into Piper, "What did you say?"

"Nothing, it doesn't matter." Piper says quickly and takes another tug on the joint, which means now she couldn't possibly elaborate. She exhales, sending a cloud of smoke up into the sky – hopefully a distress signal for an alien spaceship to come down and rescue her from this impending humiliation.

"You think I'm trying to seduce you? That's an awfully bold assumption Piper Chapman." Alex's tone is gently chiding but Piper can make out the smile on Alex's lips as she says it.

Her cheeks feel like they've been set on fire, and that someone has cut her heart loose and its now in freefall through her body.

Of course Alex isn't going to let this go. "No clever comeback? You're losing your touch Pipes."

Piper swallows hard and looks over at Alex, who is staring back at her, goading her. She can make out the shadowy outline of Alex's cheek but the darkness makes it difficult to judge the distance between them.

Fuck it. She has nothing to lose.

She leans over, faltering slightly, until she can feel her lips touch Alex's, and she begins tracing Alex's smile. The kiss starts off soft and gentle and long, and it's better than she imagined.

It takes Alex a minute to kiss her back, as if her brain needs catch up, and after a minute or two she threads her fingers through Piper's hair pulling her close, their bodies pressing together. Piper can feel hands, limbs, lips, tongue; the warmth and heaviness of Alex as she lies on top of her; her cold finger tips gliding up inside Piper's top, skimming upwards over her belly and ribs, and downwards to the top of her jeans; Alex's thigh pushing between her legs and their hips beginning to roll.

Breathless, Piper pulls back, her hand pushing against Alex's chest. "I don't want to be another one of your fucks on the beach."

Alex holds her gaze, and sucks on her bottom lip, regarding Piper for a moment. "I have an idea, follow me."

Alex grabs Piper's hand and they stumble along the sand. Dark clouds are stifling the moonlight and it's getting harder to see.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

They climb up and along the ridge of the sand dunes, weaving their way among clumps of vegetation, wading through patches of long wavy grass. The wind is blustering now and is blowing their hair across their faces. They walk at a fast pace for about ten minutes but it feels longer, and finally a beach hut, perched on a wooden pallet and set back from the dunes, comes into view.

"Fuck it's still here." Alex lets go of Piper's hand and runs towards it, rattling the padlock on the door. Alex takes a hairpin out of her pocket. "Here hold this," passing her phone to Piper, who shines the light on the lock and Alex starts wiggling the pin around in circles.

"What are you doing?" Piper is stood behind her, pressing lightly into her side in an attempt to keep warm.

"What does it look like?" Alex turns, grinning. The lock clicks. "Still got it", says Alex, triumphant.

She pushes the door open, and grabs the phone from Piper, lighting up the inside. It's a tiny room, maybe four by six feet. There's an armchair in the corner with a red blanket draped over it, and a small table with a wooden chair against the opposite wall.

"Alex I'm not sure this is a good idea."

Alex is rummaging in a cupboard in the corner, from which she removes two candles, which she places on the table, lighting them with her cigarette lighter. "It's fine, I've been here before. I used to sleep here sometimes when I was too drunk or stoned to move and get the ferry back the next morning. I can't believe it's still here," she says shaking her head.

Alex takes her jacket off and throws it onto the armchair, and steps towards Piper, sliding her hands onto her hips. They kiss again, more urgently than the first time.

Piper moans into Alex's mouth, and then pulls back, "What if the owner comes?"

Alex mumbles against Piper's neck, sucking lightly. "He never comes in the evening, he's some old guy. Only during the day." Alex slides her hand down between Piper's legs, running her finger along the seam of her jeans.

Piper pushes her hand against Alex's chest, and looks at her. "How many times have you been here?"

It comes out as an accusation rather than a question.

"A few." Alex dips her head back down to resume her trail of kisses along Piper's collarbone.

"With other girls?"

Alex pulls back this time and arranges her face into a look of mock seriousness, "Only the hot ones."

The earnestness in Piper's eyes evaporates. "Asshole."

Thirty minutes later, they're on the wooden floor, heads wedged near the armchair, the blanket crumpled beneath them, Alex's fingers pressing inside Piper. She comes hard, and all the tension that has been simmering for the last five weeks leaps off of her body.


	4. Chapter 4

_a/n - thanks so much for all the favorites, follows and reviews - I really appreciate the feedback. And sorry for the delay in updating._

It feels like subterfuge. Someone snuck in and rearranged her entire emotional landscape; scribbled out Alex's blueprint for intimacy and sketched something entirely new.

The strange thing is the ground isn't juddering as the plates realign; the transition is effortless, seamless, as if it was always meant to be this way.

* * *

"Fuck I think I actually have a splinter in my back." Piper is stood in front of the full length mirror, head twisted over her shoulder, T-shirt gathered in one hand, fingers and thumbs grazing the bottom of her spine with her other. The sunlight is streaming through the bedroom window lighting up Piper's tangled morning hair – a beacon beckoning Alex towards oblivion.

"There's a first time for everything."

"Wooden floors shouldn't even be a first time thing. They should be a no time thing."

"I didn't hear you complain at the time."

"I didn't have much choice."

"Well it was the beach. There weren't a whole lot of options," Alex laughs. She props herself up onto her elbows, squinting at Piper, "are you sure you're not imagining it?"

"If I was going to make up a fake injury, believe me it wouldn't be a splinter. My imagination is more vivid than that."

Alex smiles. "I'm sure it is."

Alex stretches across to grab her glasses and the alarm clock from the side table, and slumps back down onto the pillow.

"Fuck it's one! Why didn't you wake me?"

Piper turns smiling and crawls up the bed towards Alex, lying on her side, their faces inches apart. "Have you got somewhere to be?"

"I do actually."

"One of the other hot girls that you seduced at the beach?" says Piper, gently tracing the tips of her fingers over Alex's lips.

'Hmm. I wish. I've got to go to Amherst. I probably won't be back for a few days but you can stay. Keep my bed warm," she laughs, patting the mattress.

"Is that what I am now? Someone to keep your bed warm? Y'know I've got things to do."

"Like what?"

"Well I've missed two days of classes so I should probably make an appearance. I've got a splinter to remove. And Polly's been blowing up my phone. She thinks I've died. Or been abducted."

"Sounds serious."

* * *

Two weeks pass. Then four. Alex lies in the dark listening to the cadence of Piper's breathing and wonders how it's possible for such pure, untempered happiness to be sustained this long.

She slips out of bed and calls her Mom – hunched over on the sofa, glowing in the dark, whispering animatedly about this girl she's met. Her Mom laughs, and she can hear her own euphoria echoing back down the line.

* * *

"Hey." Piper strolls up to Polly, who is stood at the check-out.

"The wanderer returns…" Polly spins round with the tray of food and weaves between the cafeteria tables to one by the window. Piper obediently follows, sinking into the seat opposite.

"Here – I went against my better judgment and got you the thing with tofu in it," nudging the bowl towards Piper. "I was beginning to wonder if you'd moved out."

While the tone is light, Piper can hear the hurt in Polly's voice.

"You're being over-dramatic."

"Three nights running this week, and it's only Wednesday."

"I didn't know you were counting." Piper says smiling, spearing some tofu, and hoping Polly might switch topic. She's clearly put out, but she'll get over it.

"So it's getting serious huh?"

"It's good."

"It's good."

"I came seven times last night." Piper's smile collides with Polly's look of disdain.

"Don't you think it's a little weird?"

"Well yeah I mean, seven is a lot. But weird. No."

"No." Polly says impatiently, "I mean the whole Alex thing. I never see her in lectures. Only at parties or kicking around campus."

There's an undercurrent of knowing in Polly's tone but Piper's not ready to go there. She can't imagine having an out-loud conversation about Alex's job. She'll end up defending Alex and by proxy the drug dealing. The truth is that Piper isn't paying attention to any of that. When she's with Alex, everything else is background. No shape, no form, no color.

Piper shrugs, "She's relaxed about her studies. It's refreshing."

"I went out with a few of the others last night. Larry was there with Pete."

The words feel like an ambush. She'd pretty much forgotten about that night in New York. The last month with Alex had been all consuming, thoughts of everyone, including Larry, a blur at the edges.

"He's pretty pissed. About the club."

" _He's_ pissed." A laugh spills out of Piper's mouth, as she jabs at some lettuce with her fork. The anger from that night snaps back and scratches at her insides. The hum of the canteen strip lights and the echo of clanging cutlery are making it hard to think straight.

"You do know that _he_ came onto to _me_. I asked him to stop. He kept going." Piper holds her gaze, trying to skewer the accusation.

Polly leans back in her chair, hands on the table.

"I know, Pipes, I just mean, he was drunk, and you're right, overzealous, but I just think he was surprised by the strength of the reaction, especially with supercunt weighing in. He felt it was a little unfair."

"It kind of feels like you're taking his side."

Polly leans forward and covers Piper's hand with her own,"Piper. I'm not, I just …. Look he's Pete's best fr…"

"And I'm yours." Piper's voice is tight and shrill. She's telling the truth. She hasn't done anything wrong, Larry did and yet she's being blamed. The blatant unfairness of it plows straight into her.

Polly's voice softens, "I know you are." She ducks her head to try and capture Piper's gaze "I'm just looking out for you."

The affirmation sucks out some of the tension. "Listen, I feel like I haven't seen you for ages, not properly anyway. How about a girls' night out? There's a house party this Friday, you wanna go?"

Piper smiles, relief at an argument averted, "sure."

Polly has a point. Piper has barely been back to her room since New York. The undertow that is Alex keeps dragging her back to the apartment. Although it's not like she's resisting the pull, right now she'd gladly drown in her.

* * *

"This or this?"

"The green one."

Alex steps into the green dress, and lays the black one on the back of the sofa, where a supine Piper holds a book in one hand, glass of wine in the other, one leg flung over the top of the cushions.

"Sure you don't want to come?"

Piper shakes her head, "I promised Polly."

Alex trails her hand along the back of the sofa, steps over the armrest, straddling Piper, "You'll have more fun with me."

"I'm sure I would. But I can't."

Alex hooks a finger at the top of the book's spine and pulls it down, "How's the book?"

"Complicated. Five thousand words on whether Sylvia Plath is a confessional poet by Wednesday. I'm never going to get it done."

"I could help you. Tomorrow."

"Yeah what do you know about Plath."

" _Love set you going like a fat gold watch_."

Piper places the book and her glass on the table, resting her hands on Alex's thighs.

"And what are you expecting in return?"

"Nothing." Alex leans down and gently kisses her, and pulls back, "no strings attached." She climbs off and slips her jacket on. "Don't go shacking up with one of those spotty frat boys at the party. I know you're all for the college experience."

"I'll try to resist. Although you're kind of a close second – your cleanliness resembles that of an eighteen year old freshman," says Piper, eying the empty beer bottles on the table and the jumble of plates and glasses spilling out of the kitchen sink.

Alex heads for the front door, "I'll get a cleaner. Or you can do it. My dutiful housewife."

"Are we living in the 1950s now?" Piper shouts after her, as Alex closes the front door, and then slumps back down on the sofa wondering precisely when Alex managed to colonize every cell in her body.

* * *

Piper meets Polly, Dawn and Becca downtown at a taco bar.

She spots them in the corner, a cackling coven of three hunched over the table. They catch Piper wavering by the door, gesturing her over and she slides back into the picture – the one on the front of Smith's glossy admission brochure; a set of five polished young women, heads thrown back laughing, clutching books as they stroll across the sunny green campus. Back at high school, that's how she'd imagined her time at Smith, but the last month with Alex had propelled her so far away from that version, that she's not sure she'd be able to ID that Piper in a line-up.

It's past eleven by the time they head for the party, all four crammed in a cab, passing a plastic bottle of vodka and coke between them. They ask the cabbie to turn up the radio, and start an out of tune rendition of Say My Name, rolling down the windows, alarming late night pedestrians.

The house is packed, cheap aftershave and sweat sloshing around with warm beer and Britney. Rowdy kids are sprouting out of every doorway onto the lawn. The four of them stick closely together, even though boys with too much hair gel try to split off whoever is apart from the rest of the group.

Polly and Piper make their way outside to the back patio where a drinking game is underway. Their lukewarm enthusiasm isn't enough to prevent them from being pulled in. Piper fares badly; she always does, she's not quick enough, easily flustered when put on the spot.

She keeps catching a red-haired guy sat opposite her; he's staring at her, mouth angled into a wry grin, and she tries to refocus her attention on the game, although with the two vodkas she has just had to down as a penalty, focus is proving to be elusive.

She decides to leave before she passes the point of drunk, and gestures at Polly to follow, and they make their way back into the kitchen. The red-haired guy steps out in front them as they pass into the hallway, making Piper jump and mutter a _jesus_ under her breath, barely containing her annoyance.

"You're Alex's friend right?'

"Yeah" Piper says unsteadily, uncertain where this is going.

"You got any y'know" he cocks his head again, the smirk clinging to his mouth. Piper wonders if his expression is frozen that way. She's also confused. She has no idea what he's referring too.

He leans forward, she can feel his breath on her face, "do I have to spell it out – I need a bump. Have you got any or not?"

Piper cheeks prickle with heat, and she can feel the disapproval radiating off of Polly next to her. She pushes past him, "I don't know what you mean, sorry."

"That's no way to treat your customers," he calls after her.

"What was that about?' Polly is right on her shoulder.

Her shaking hands are sending tiny ripples to skate across her wine, so she wraps her arms around her body, hoping Polly doesn't notice.

"No idea."

She loves Alex. Alex sells drugs. Those things can co-exist. She just needs to focus on the two of them, nothing else matters.

"Jesus, has she got you pimping out heroin for her now."

"Shut up Polly," says Piper, desperately trying to unscramble what just happened, what it means. She's not sure what she's angrier about – that students on campus think she's a drug dealer or because Alex hasn't been upfront with her.

"I mean I know love knows no bounds but." Polly exhales loudly.

Piper glares at her, eyes sprung wide, "Polly. I said stop."

"Ok, Ok. It was just a joke." She puts her hand on Piper's upper arm, "you ok? You look kind of pale."

"I'm fine" Piper, her smile an underline. "Let's go and find the others."

She's anything but. She trails Polly around the party, her mind somersaulting, trying to square what the guy implied and what Alex has told her. She toys with calling Alex or going round to her apartment, but she's not even sure what she would say if she did, and besides, she's not sure she wants to hear the answers.

"Beer pong?" Polly's eyes are peering over a red bat.

Piper carefully folds up her anxiety and tucks it away, and grabs the other bat.

* * *

Aydin and Fahri are hunched over the bar, twisting their glasses, immersed in conversation. She slinks up behind them, one hand on each of back, wedging herself in between.

"Want to share?"

Fahri turns round grinning, "Alex – at last. We were missing you."

"We thought you'd abandoned us" says Aydin, doing his best to look solemn, a flicker of mischief in his eyes.

"What can I say, I'm in high demand. As you always say Fahri, you've got to give the people what they want." She smirks and pushes her glasses up her nose.

"Whiskey?" Fahri raises his own glass.

"Sure. What's with the overly conspiratorial look anyway?"

"Aydin and I were just agreeing that we need to step up our efforts – with recruitment. We're falling behind."

"Well I brought in at least ten girls in the last month so..." Alex has been on a roll since she got back from New York. Logic implied it would be the opposite – that the thought of Piper now permanently lodged in her mind would make her feel guilty for flirting with other girls, that she wouldn't be able to turn on the charm but in fact it's the opposite. It's like they can feel the happiness radiating from her, and they are desperate for a sliver of it.

Fahri follows Alex's gaze to Aydin whose staring hard at his glass, scratching lines into the bar counter with a cocktail stick.

"She might be shifting more mules but I'm shifting more product", he mumbles not bothering to look up.

Fahri shakes his head followed by a sigh, "Aydin it's weed and a few pills. It isn't where the money is. It's becoming a distraction."

Aydin stares intently at his drink, his forehead crinkled.

Alex feels her conscience rattling inside. Aydin has saved her ass on more than one occasion. In her first few weeks, Fahri had asked her to organize some last minute paperwork for a mule. It was straightforward, but she'd lost the visa slip on the way to the German embassy who then refused to stamp the passport with permission to travel, jeopardizing the entire shipment. Aydin had rung his contact there and they relented, and Alex dodged a Fahri shaped bullet.

"Selling gives us connections we need on campus to recruit." She slings her arm around Aydin's shoulders, locking eyes with Fahri, "It's pretty essential to the whole thing."

Fahri's gaze flits from one to the other, his expression inscrutable. "We need more mules. Kubra's orders. Aydin you need to step up your game." He tips the last of the whiskey into his mouth, "I'll see you both later," and then turns and walks away.

Aydin buries his face in his hands, "I'm fucked."

"He doesn't mean it. Kubra's on his case. He's panicking."

"I'm barely having any luck as it is. Two in the last month, and one of them flaked at the last minute. "

"It'll be ok – we'll work something out." Alex squeezes his shoulder, "let's go dancing or to Haluk's, take your mind off it?" bumping her hip into his.

Aydin peeks out from his hands, smiling "Isn't your girlfriend waiting for you?"

Alex laughs. It sounds so odd to hear it said out loud. _Her girlfriend_ , she thinks.

"The one that hasn't left your side for the past month. She's there every time I come round."

"I didn't know you were paying attention." Alex raises her eyebrows.

"It's hard not to. She's hot."

"Yeah well keep those thoughts to yourself."

They end up at Aydin's brother Haluk's place on the far side of town, drenching Aydin's nervousness with Turkish wine that fizzes on their tongues, and plates of tabuleh and falafel and lahmacun. They come here a lot – it's become one of Alex's favorite haunts, almost like home. The banter is always eclectic bouncing between Middle Eastern politics and the finer nuances of Lebanese cuisine, but more than that Haluk and Aydin make her feel taken care of, the brothers she never had.

* * *

A million dots of light scattered across the vast black canvas. Chicago.

Piper is sat on the top of one of the raised concrete blocks on the roof top surveying her new domain, for the next two nights anyway.

Fahri wants Alex to meet Kubra. It's the next stage - Fahri needs his blessing to draw Alex in from the periphery to the heart of the operation. Alex is still uncertain whether it was the best idea to ask Piper to come with her but she couldn't resist. She's never stayed in a place like this in her life.

"It's beautiful isn't it?" It comes out like this is a regular occurrence – a normal feature of Alex's life like breakfast or the movies. She likes that it sounds that way.

Piper swivels around, fingers wrapped around a glass of red wine, smiling. Alex wishes she could ensnare this moment, keep it captive, forever at her disposal to be turned over and examined again and again. Because every single dimension of it is so fucking perfect.

"I think I could get used to it. Who was that?" nodding to the cell phone in Alex's hand.

Alex sits down next to her, shuffling the takeaway boxes off to the side, shoulders bumping, "Fahri."

Piper sips her wine. "Do you have to go out tonight?"

Alex shakes her head "Tomorrow."

"For the whole day?"

"Most of it."

"And what am I supposed to do?"

Alex tries to ignore the petulance seeping through Piper's voice. "Take in the sights of Chicago," nodding across the terrace, "lounge around in the infinity pool enjoying probably the best view anywhere in the city."

"I wouldn't have come if I knew you were going to work the whole time."

"I'm being paid to be here, this isn't a freebie." The edge of Alex's voice softens, "besides it's only tomorrow – tonight and Sunday it's just us."

This is the thing with Piper – she never asks for the detail, never scratches beneath the veneer when it comes to her work. She hasn't asked Alex why she's been sent here, or who has paid for the hotel. Piper doesn't want to sully herself with the details. But Alex can't believe that Piper really thinks this is some small-time weed operation, she just doesn't want to admit it.

So they play the game – Piper's silence is Alex's permission to continue. As long as there is no reveal, the uneasy truce holds. She can't help resent Piper's naivety a little.

Alex stands up. "Let's at least enjoy tonight. Aydin told me about this burlesque club downtown. And we can meet Fahri for a drink on the way."

"You just said you weren't meeting till tomorrow?"

"It's just one drink Piper. He wants to meet you."

They descend a spiral staircase into an underground bar dotted with tables, candles flickering on each, a shabby stage at the front. The crowd is a relaxed murmur, clinking glass and soft laughter swirling in the air.

Alex spots Fahri on the far side, a table wedged against the wall. He smiles, raising his glass, and pulls Alex in for a long embrace. Intros are made and Alex heads to the bar leaving Piper and Fahri alone.

"So Alex has told me a lot about you. You certainly seem to have her attention." Piper can feel his gaze drilling into her.

Piper is twisting the ring on her index finger, and then glances up. "Yeah, well she's got mine - she's really something."

"She really is. Our star player."

"So how did you guys meet?" Not that she actually wants to know, but she it feels like she should make an effort, that she should impress in some way – for Alex.

"Through her Dad."

Piper's forehead creases. "I didn't even know she was in touch with him." She talks about her mom a lot, but she'd only mentioned her Dad once in passing – that she barely knew him, that he'd left before she was born.

Alex is back and slides a margarita in front of Piper, slipping her arm around her shoulders, squeezing Piper's hand.

"So what's the show tonight?" says Alex

"Some kind of alternative cabaret. Too lowbrow for me," Fahri says giving a wry smile.

Alex keeps her promise - they stay for one drink and too tired to go on anywhere else they grab burgers from a suspect fast food joint and end up at the river's edge, watching snakes of light slither across the water's surface. The sound of rumbling trains is interrupted by the odd siren, the air is fresh, and Piper is squeezed into Alex's side.

"Fahri said you met through your dad. I didn't even know you two were in touch." Piper angles her face up from Alex's shoulder trying to gauge the reaction.

"We're not." She swallows, hard. "I met him last year, once, at a gig he was playing. It didn't go well – confirmed what my mom said that he's a pretty poor excuse for a human-being. Anyway that night I met Fahri, and he said 'People are always better in the abstract'. I think he's kind of right." Alex smiles, her eyes glassy, "well almost always," and punctuates it with a soft kiss.

* * *

The next morning, Alex is gone before Piper wakes.

Piper spends the day trudging around Chicago, trying to quell the resentment roaming around inside her that Alex has chosen Fahri over her, for today anyway. She tells herself she's being ungrateful. But she can't help feel that she's somehow pitted in competition with Fahri, with the other world that Alex inhabits.

She spends most of the morning stowed away in a bookshop and then whiles away the afternoon in Lincoln park watching the boaters rowing in an endless circles around the lake. She thinks about last night, about Alex's dad; about how rapidly her respect and admiration for her dad had fractured under the weight of his infidelities, and how she had buried the broken pieces, determined to follow the lead of her Mom's outright denial.

She returns to the hotel late afternoon, and there is a message waiting at the front desk from Alex saying she'll be back early evening. Buoyed, Piper orders room service, takes a long hot bath, and then rifles through her case, considering what to wear, leisurely applying make-up.

The red digits on the clock flick from seven to eight, and a restless Piper prowls around the confines of the room, surveying the cityscape from the balcony, re-reading the same page of her book at least five times and then finally retreating to the bed to watching re-runs on TV. By ten she gives up, pulls off her dress, flings it on the chair and slides between the cold sheets.

The phone rings on the side table making Piper jump.

"Hey Piper it's me. Listen I'm gonna be another couple of hours at least….

….

"Piper?"

Piper is gripping the handset tightly against her ear, and swallows thickly, "it's fine."

"We talked about this. We've still got tomorrow." Piper can hear the thrum of voices in the background. "I've got to go. I'll see you later." Those last words are a sigh, and then the click and dial tone echoes down the line.

* * *

The sky is a block of uniform white – no nuance of shade. Piper has been staring out the window for the last hour, waiting for Alex to wake up. Piper slides closer towards her, studying her face as she sleeps. She feels lighter than last night, the darkness peeling away the layers of resentment and irritation.

Alex's eyelashes flutter and their eyes roam over each other faces, trying to decipher where on the map they've landed.

"You do know it's rude to stare?"

"How did it go with Fahri?"

"Good. I think."

"I'm sorry for being a brat about it." Piper maps the outline of Alex's jaw with her finger tips, tracing the same line again and again, smoothing away the wrinkles of last night.

"I'm sure you can make it up to me."

"What time did you get back? I waited up."

"Three. Fahri was pretty insistent on me hanging around. I know this weekend hasn't gone to plan. Tonight, let's go out for dinner, any place you want."

Piper nods, her shoulders loosening a little, relieved that Alex isn't holding a grudge.

Piper's teeth dig into her bottom lip, "Al, promise me you're not getting into anything you can't get out of?"

"Are we talking about that dress I wore? I mean it was tight fitting but y'know."

"Alex" Piper's voice is soaked in seriousness. "I mean it. The people you met last night, Kubra or whatever his name is. I just…I worry about you."

"Pipes, nothing bad is going to happen. It's all good."She pushes Piper's hair behind her ear. "I know what I'm doing. I wouldn't put myself in danger." She swallows, "why would I risk this. I love you."

"You do?" She's pretty sure she doesn't deserve this after last night's petulance.

Alex just nods, her gaze unflinching, emotion crowding her eyes.

"I love you too." And she spends the next couple hours before their flight showing her just how much.

* * *

Finals are three weeks away, and Piper is panicking. She keeps telling herself it's only freshman year, but the prospect of returning home with mediocre grades looms over her.

Her legs are stiff, and her back is coiled with tension. She's been sat in the library for the last five hours. She stretches and heads for the exit deciding to take a break for an hour or so.

She feels one of her earphones being yanked out. "Ow!" She whips round and Alex is stood there, a smirk plastered across her face. Piper rubs her ear.

"You're getting harder and harder to find these days." Alex steps towards her, and slides her hands around her waist.

"I told you already. I've got to study. It's too distracting at yours." Piper clasps Alex's wrists trying to prize them off.

"Are we anti-public displays of affection now? Because I think it might be too late to recover your reputation." Her tone is light but the comment barbs. It's ridiculous but perhaps she should be less obvious with Alex. The guy at the party is still playing on her mind, and she can't help obsessing about how many others think the same thing.

"No, it's just we're in the library. C'mon let's go back to my dorm." They wander down the steps, and as they slip across the quad towards the dorms, Piper slides her hand into Alex's. They're nearly at the dorm building when they spot Polly.

"Hey." She turns to acknowledge Alex, and even that looks like it's taking a monumental effort. "Where have you been?"

"Library. Just taking a break."

"I'm meeting Dawn and Pete over at the bar, if you wanna come?"

"I think I'll give it a miss I've still got more to do."

Polly turns to Alex, "You do discounts?" Piper's jaw tightens and she wonders where Polly is going with this.

"That's awfully forward of you." Alex looks like she might erupt and drown Polly in smugness.

"Well we're friends aren't we?"

Alex laughs, "are we?"

"Well you're fucking my best friend that must give me some kind of status by proxy right."

"Well when you put it like that." Alex says, mischief filtering through her face, "But no, no discount."

Polly turns and starts to walk away, and then seems to think better of it. "That's funny because you gave a pretty good price to one of my friends - Cassady – remember her? I guess though thinking about it maybe because of the trip right? I guess in your game you gotta earn the credits first?" Polly looks triumphant. "Makes sense. Anyway I gotta go. See you later Pipes."

Piper can see a glimmer of fear steal across Alex's face.

"Al, what's going on?"

Alex turns, pulling the shutter down on the conversation and walks towards the dorm building, "I have no idea."

"Wait!" Piper is hurrying to catch up, "how do you even know Polly's friends?"

"Piper I'm on campus nearly every day, pretty much everyone knows me. I'm how they get high."

"But who's Cassady?"

Alex's voice is brimming with exasperation, "I don't know Piper. She's just stirring. And you're reacting exactly how she wants. She hasn't liked me from the start."

"You've hardly spent any time with her. You've got her name wrong at least twice, and I swear to God it was on fucking purpose."

They walk in silence up to Piper's room. Piper's stomach is twisting in on itself, an uneasiness rounding on her. She wants to push Alex for more detail but she's scared of the reaction it might provoke.

Alex slips her jacket off and hangs it on the back of the desk chair, and they lie down on the bed side by side, faces close, Alex pushing Piper's hair behind her ear.

"I'll try harder. With Polly."

Piper's eyes soften at the concession, and she inches closer, kissing Alex. It starts slow, languorous, but rapidly turns into something more urgent, Alex's hands swiftly gliding up Piper's ribs, mapping the planes of her back and thighs.

Finally Piper, pulls away, reaching down to fasten her jeans and adjust her top, "we should stop. Polly will be back soon."

"We could take it back to mine." There is a speck of vulnerability in Alex's voice. For once it's a question not a command, the self-assurance has fallen away.

Piper cups Alex's face with both hands, "I really want to, but I need to study. And we both know that if I go back to yours that has zero chance of happening."

"You'd better make this up to me in the summer Chapman." Alex swings her legs over her bed, sitting on the edge whilst she pulls her boots on, and then starts rummaging in Piper's bookcase.

"What are you doing?"

Alex pulls out a bag of weed lodged behind some books.

"What the fuck Alex? Am I storage facility now?"

"It's a bag of weed Piper. It's not a big deal."

"Right you just decided to use my room for your drug business without asking me, but it's not a big deal." Piper is sat up now, her voice fraying at the edges, the carefully constructed calm of the last few weeks cracking in the face of Alex's nonchalance.

"Drug business? It's some weed. You're over reacting." Alex gets up and slides her arms into her jacket, signaling the end of the conversation.

"Some weed – that's more than _some_ weed. I'm pretty sure you couldn't plead that's for personal use. It's like a kilo."

"Two actually. Are you sure your scales are working?"

"Y'know I'm glad you think this is such a joke. I'm taking a whole ton of shit from Polly for you – god knows what she'd do if she found out about this."

"Who cares what Polly thinks. Jesus." Alex shouts. It's the first time Piper has ever heard her raise her voice, and she desperately wants to pull this back.

"I care, I want her to see the Alex that I see."

"Are you done?" Alex stuffs the weed in her bag and steps towards the door. Piper jumps off the bed and lurches forward to grab Alex's elbow.

"No I'm not actually." Piper's voice is bursting with indignation.

"It was a rhetorical question Piper." Alex opens the door.

"So you're not going to apologize?" Piper's stood there, arms wrapped around her, a slight chink in her voice, her eyes pleading.

"If Polly wants have an aneurism over it, let her."

"You're unbelievable." Piper's shakes her head, slamming the door. A raging full stop.

She watches from her window as Alex strides across campus momentarily vanishing through the lattice of shadows, until the pitch black swallows her up completely.


	5. Chapter 5

Alex strides across campus, the cool air grazing her face, a counterpoint to the heat prickling her cheeks. She hurls the lump of weed into the inky black of the night. Call it a donation to Smith. It was probably past it's sell-by date anyway.

Piper's holier than thou accusation blasts through her.

Fuck Polly and her smug self-righteousness. And fuck Piper for assuming the worst. She hadn't even given her the benefit of the doubt. Although Alex winces at the fact that for nearly two weeks she'd forgotten she'd even left that much weed there. It must have been during one of her recent impromptu and drunken, midnight visits.

She slows her pace, and swivels round towards the dorm building, yellow light beaming out across the lawn, and wonders whether Piper is stood at one of the windows staring straight back at her. Her heart snags a little at the thought.

She sucks in a long gulp of cold air, tilts her head back, and gazes at the moon flickering behind the clouds. Maybe she should apologize.

She hails a cab and makes her way to Haluk's, hoping to find Aydin, but the door is closed and the lights are off, except for the wonky green neon sign above the awning. She cups her hands around her eyes, and leans against the glass to see if she can detect any movement out back but there's nothing. She rests her forehead on the window, and scrolls through the contact list on her phone hovering over Piper's name, and then scrolling down to Dianne's.

Alex can hear Dianne rustling in the background, and then finally her voice, the one thing Alex finds refuge in.

"Hey baby, haven't heard from you in a while. Everything ok?"

"Yeah everything's ok. How about you? How's the store?"

"Sucks. I got extra shifts though."

"You work too hard."

"That'd be the truth. But what can I do? The car broke last week so I don't know, I have to get it fixed. Otherwise it's an extra hour on the bus."

Alex's squeezes her eyes shut. She's probably six months away from having enough money to buy Dianne a new one. "I miss you," as if that might compensate in some way for the grinding monotony of Dianne's day to day existence.

"I know baby. I miss you too. How's your new job going? Still good?"

"Yeah really good actually. I think they like me."

"Well, that's great Al. What did I tell you huh? I knew it'd come good. And?"

"And what?"

"Piper – y'know the one you haven't stopped talking about," her mom ventures tentatively.

Alex swallows, her voice thick and wet, "yeah she's good." Alex is dragging her finger down the foggy window pane of the restaurant.

Silence clogs up the phone line.

"Al?"

"We had a fight." Alex sighs, and then to convince herself as much as Dianne, "but it's fine. It'll fix it."

"You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really. I just…. It doesn't matter." She shakes her head, wishing she hadn't called. Dianne doesn't need her shit to deal with along with everything else.

"Al, maybe don't work so hard. Spend some of that time and energy on that business of yours on Piper."

"Yeah you're probably right. I'd better go."

"Ok baby, don't leave it so long next time ok."

By the time Alex swings through the front door of her apartment she feels calmer, contrite even. She throws her jacket on the sofa and opens the fridge grabbing the solitary bottle of beer standing next to a single piece of celery lying defeated on the shelf - Piper's calling card, she thinks.

She slumps down on the sofa, which creaks under the weight, and her body melts into the cushions. She rests her head back, as she feels the cold beer glide down her throat and surveys the room. The imprint of Piper is everywhere– a Faulkner anthology for her latest class, running trainers paired neatly by the door, the juicer on the counter - Alex had relentlessly teased Piper about the purchase at first, but pretty much every day since, Alex hauled a bag of fruit home from the store for Piper to pulverize, basking in the warm kisses she'd get showered with in return.

The thought that Piper has burrowed so deeply into Alex's existence both soothes and scrapes at her insides.

She picks up the book on the table and a ferry ticket, stamped Fire Island, falls out and floats feather-like to the floor. She tucks it back in and begins thumbing through the pages, Piper's notations scrawled in the margins. On the back inside cover at the top there is a wonky heart with an arrow running through it, an AV and PC at either end. Alex runs her finger over it smiling at Piper's astronomical levels of dorkiness.

Her phone dings. It's Aydin. He's in a club downtown –Fahri wants her there right now to close a deal with a potential mule.

She runs her hand over the cover of the book. Tomorrow, she thinks _._

* * *

Piper has been staring at the poster on her wall for the last thirty minutes – it's Liza Minnelli in her Cabaret garb – Alex had bought it _to counter the cultural wasteland of Polly_. Piper wasn't sure if it was because Polly's side of the room displayed so much male flesh or that she had appropriated some of Alex's favorite actors that Alex was so offended by. She didn't ask, it would only unleash another tirade of scathing sarcasm and bluster – which Piper finds amusing, but is always terrified Polly will walk-in mid-flow.

She exhales, long and deep, trying to bat away the onslaught of thoughts about the fight. Maybe she had over-reacted? What if that's it, what if Alex is done with her? Panic trickles down her chest. She sits up, and rubs her face with her palms in one last attempt to compose herself, before heading for Polly and the bar.

Polly and Dawn are slumped against one of the seats that stretch the entire length of the bar wall, giggling hysterically. Polly glances up at Piper as soon as she enters and jumps up smiling – "you came!"

"Yeah well I wasn't getting much study done," Piper smiles.

Pete sidles up behind her and pushes a beer into her hand, it's watery and tasteless but by the time Piper has drunk three quarters , worries about Alex, the fight and her exams evaporate.

She sits with Polly watching Pete desperately trying to endure a humiliating defeat on the pool table at the hands of Dawn; his cocky smile masks his fury, which Polly finds endlessly entertaining.

Piper is slumped next to Polly, feet flung across a chair. It feels good, like when they first met. "How do you know about Pete? That he's the right one for you I mean."

Polly shrugs, "I like being around him. I mean don't get me wrong, he can be a pain in the ass, but he makes me laugh." Polly glances sidelong at Piper, and extends her leg her foot pushing into Pete's ass "why you want a piece?"

Piper laughs, clamping her hand over her mouth to prevent beer spraying out.

Polly starts to scratch at the label at her bottle, head resting on the back of the seat, turning to look at Piper, "what about Alex? Is she the one?"

Piper slugs the last of her beer, and Polly immediately slides another towards her. She desperately wants to confess to Polly – tell her about the argument, have her reaction validated, share the outrage over Alex's behavior. Isn't that what friends are for? But she's scared, it will only give Polly even more ammunition.

Piper tilts her head, "I don't know. I mean she's unlike anyone I've ever met – and she's really hot. But I feel like I don't really know her y'know. Like I'm only ever getting half the story. It sounds stupid doesn't it."

Polly tears another strip from the label, "well I guess with criminal activity and all that, lying must become second nature."

The certainty with which Polly delivers this declaration, dripping with so much judgment, irks Piper. "She only deals weed, it's hardly like she's some drug kingpin."

Polly raises her eyebrows, "wouldn't be so sure." The words cleave through the air. The accusation has been bubbling under the surface for weeks, but this time Polly has actually had the gall to say it out loud.

Piper turns her body, clamping her bottle of beer tightly, the coldness seering her hand, "what's that supposed to mean?"

"It doesn't matter."

"No say it," Piper's eyes narrow, her stomach lurching into a nosedive.

Polly looks directly at her, "she's not some small time weed dealer Piper, she traffics heroin."

Piper's mouth hangs open slightly, Polly's words sucking the moisture out.

"You're not seriously suggesting…"Piper shakes her head, licking her lips" Y'know what, you haven't liked her from the star…"

"This isn't about whether I like her Piper. It's about the fact that she deals heroin." Pete and Dawn's heads whip round as Polly's voice slices through the low murmur of the bar.

Polly drops her voice, "look I was going to tell you but it just never seemed like the right time, and you're barely ever around anyway, but someone in Becca's lab class – _her_ roommate's friend graduated last year and took an all-expenses paid trip to Greece in return for smuggling heroin into the country. Courtesy of Alex."

A disbelieving laugh spills from Piper's mouth, and she wills herself not to lose her shit for a second time in one evening.

"A friend of a friend of a friend. Jesus Polly. People are making up this bullshit up because they don't like Alex. You don't like Alex. I mean I get it –she can be an insufferable asshole. But drug trafficker? No way."

Polly's voice is tight, her words crammed with frustration, "Piper -you're so in love with her you can't even see it. You have no idea what you're getting into."

A dense silence fills the space, like expanding heavy fog.

"Look Pipes, I can't be your roomie next year. Not while you're with Alex, she's a whole world of trouble."

"Is this because of what happened with Larry?" Piper's eyes are bright, looking directly at Polly.

Polly takes her hand, and shakes her head emphatically, "no, it's got nothing to do with that. Look if it was just about Alex – and you're right she is an insufferable asshole – then I'd do what a best friend should and look the other way. But I can't stand by and watch while she drags you into whatever she's got going on. And I definitely don't want to be anywhere near when it blows up in her face."

Piper nods, lips curled in and stands to get up, "I don't want to lose you as a friend but Alex is my girlfriend and I love her."

Piper tucks her coat under her arm.

"Where are you going?" says Polly, the flutter in her voice betraying surprise and hurt.

"To see Alex."

It's cold and dark. Piper leans against the outside wall of the bar, the uneven brickwork needling her spine. Flecks of rain gleam in the orange glow of the street light.

Alex wouldn't lie about something like this; she can't of – she's just traded in her best friend for Alex, she's gambled everything on her. But her blood curdles when she thinks about the party Alex took her to that first night. The vibe was so odd. And then there was that guy at the house party the other week.

She needs to find Alex, ask her outright. There must be a logical explanation.

She hails a cab to Alex's apartment. The driver attempts small talk but Piper's mind is cluttered. She has no idea how to ask Alex if it's true. Polly's story is too vague, smacks of college gossip, and the incidents at both parties are too flimsy to stack an accusation on top of. But it's the accumulation of these tiny events that's making Piper uneasy. By the time she arrives at Alex's she still hasn't figured it out, so she's relieved when the lights are off and there's no answer.

She backtracks from Alex's and heads towards a bar she knows that Alex sometimes hangs out in. She was there with Alex a week ago, playing poker with Aydin and Haluk. When she ran out of chips to bet, she ended up on Alex's lap, whispering promises of what she would do to Alex in exchange for some of hers.

She instantly recognizes the bartender – a Mexican guy who she's seen Alex chatting too – and he tells her Alex left with Aydin and a couple of girls about thirty minutes ago. He thinks they've gone to a dive bar a couple of blocks away. _Looks like they were in for a long night_ he chuckles, his thick caterpillar eyebrows tipping upwards. He asks Piper how she grapples with the livewire that is Alex. She laughs and tells him she has no idea.

She stumbles down the stairs of the dive bar, nearly losing her footing and lands in the clammy air of a small room. A bar counter runs along the back wall. There's only a smattering of a crowd and so it's easy to spot Alex at the end of the bar, talking to a blond-haired woman. Alex's hand is on the woman's elbow, an understated touch but the flirtatiousness of the gesture zips across the room and slams into Piper's chest.

She sees Fahri to her right laughing with Aydin and a couple of other guys. They seem to really be enjoying whatever the joke is. Maybe she's the joke. Maybe they all know. Maybe they've wagered on some crazy bet – how long it would take Alex to recruit her, how many times she has to fuck her before she acquiesces. Alex likes a challenge.

She tries to move towards Alex but her feet feel leaden. Alex holds all the answers – probably ones she'd rather not know. The adage that ignorance is bliss has never been truer.

As Piper approaches, surprise fans across Alex's face, and for once she's not quick enough to hide it.

"Pipes? What are you doing here?" Her hand snaps back from the girl's elbow.

"We need to talk." Piper wonder if Alex detects the waver in her voice.

"We're in the middle of something actually." the blond girl says, in haughty, high pitched whine. She's pretty, Piper will give her that - blue eyes, strikingly tall. Maybe that's Alex's type. Until now she hadn't even considered if Alex had a type.

Alex smiles apologetically to the woman, "could you just give us two minutes and I'll be right back." The woman raises her eyebrows looking decidedly unimpressed, and takes a sip of her drink, "sure."

Alex grabs Piper's hand and steers her to the corner. Piper feels her cheeks burning, her throat tightening. The drove of cutting one liners and harried accusations that she's been ready to launch at Alex have suddenly deserted her. Now she's stood there, as Alex's eyes rake over her, full of tenderness and concern, and Piper's resolve crumbles.

Alex runs her hand through her hair, "Look if this is about earlier I'm sorry ok? I left it there by mistake and then forgot to pick it up. I swear to god I didn't do it on purpose."

Piper is biting her bottom lip, looking at the floor. An hour or so ago that apology would have been all that was needed to drag Alex straight to bed, cover her with kisses, show her how sorry she was, but tonight apologies can't keep pace with the revelations. "See I don't know what to believe anymore."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Piper swallows, her mouth dry and thick, ditching her rehearsed delivery she cuts straight to it, "Polly says you recruit students on campus. To carry heroin for you. To Europe or wherever. That you're a .." The words are stuck in her throat. Saying it out loud makes it real, puts it out there for Alex to confirm or deny. "That you traffic heroin. And see I thought you were just punting weed to a couple of students on campus. I didn't think you were some drug kingpin."

Piper raises her eyes to meet Alex, searching for a clue about which way the accusation has landed.

"I really want to have this conversation with you, but not here."

Alex isn't denying it. The implication of that plummets through Piper.

"So what Polly said is true?"

"Pipes give me ten minutes and then we can go home and talk about this." Alex's gaze is bores into her, as if she's trying to anchor Piper with reasoned argument.

"You lied to me. Is this what I am to you? You fucked me so I'd carry your drugs?" It comes out as an accusation, but stacked behind it is really a question, a plea – that it's all mistake, a misunderstanding.

Frustration is seeping out of Alex's voice, she pushes out the words through gritted teeth, "can you keep your voice down? This really isn't the time or the place."

Piper exhales a laugh, her eyes wild "and when is exactly? I mean when should we have a conversation about how you've lied to me since we met."

Piper can't get her head around the drug trafficking, it's too much, so she scrambles to latch onto the fact that she just witnessed Alex draping herself over the woman at the bar. It's safer ground. Piper just saw it with her own eyes. Alex can't skate over that.

"And how many other women, besides her, have you fucked in the last month."

Alex narrows her eyes and purses her lips as if she's working really hard to reign in her temper, "I haven't slept with anyone since I met you."

"And that's supposed to make me feel better." Tears gather at the corners of her eyes, threatening to tip over and tumble down. It feels like someone has scooped out her insides leaving her just her heart jangling in her chest like loose change. She swallows hard, trying to stem the rising panic, "You lied to me the whole time."

"Piper you never ask. Because you don't want to know. Are you really naïve enough to think that selling a few joints here and there really pays for all the expensive dinners, weekends away?"

"Yeah how naïve of me to believe what you actually told me." Piper is shaking her head. This whole thing has unraveled in a few hours. It's got to be some kind of record. She turns to go, but Alex clasps her elbow.

"Piper, don't do this, don't run off again. You owe me the chance to explain."

Piper nods, her anger eroded by the tenderness in Alex's voice and eyes, but more than that, she's gambled everything on her. She can't afford the grand gesture of leaving, because she's got nothing to go to. She can already hear Polly's 'I told you so', and she can't bring herself to go there.

Alex senses the uncertainty, and gently rubs Piper's upper arms, ducking her head to catch her eyes, "Give me ten minutes ok?"

"Piper!" she feels Fahri's arm snake around her shoulders, giving her upper arm a soft squeeze. "We haven't seen you for ages, since Chicago right?" It makes Piper jump, yanks her out of the moment, and she screws on a smile – the one her mother taught her.

"Let me get you a drink." Before Piper is able to reply, Fahri clasps her elbow and leads her over towards the bar and Aydin. He gestures at the bartender, "A margarita, and make it a strong one – I think she needs it."


End file.
